City Of Champions: Philly Girl Shotguns The Shit Out Of A Beer On The Bachelor
Phillies blow a 2-0 series lead and home field advantage in the NLCS? Eagles blow a 10-1 record and get the shit kicked out of them in the wild card round? Flyers lose back-to-back games over the weekend just as everybody started to care about them again?
I know things may seem a little rough in the world of Philly sports at the moment. But you need to keep something in mind here--this is the City of Champions. No matter what else in the world is going on, Philly still manages to pump out winners. Just when you think this city is down and out for the count, we get right back up and fight some more.
And this time picking us up off the mat is this chick Lauren on The Bachelor. Now I've never been a guy who follows the show, but I'll go to war for Lauren here. She deserves to be a champion. She has the heart, she has the grit, she has the drive. She dummied that beer like she spent her entire life going down to the Sports Complex and learning from the greatest shotgunner of all time--
Disclaimer: The only reason our guy lost here is because he was going up against a non-carbonated Surfside. If anyone goes beer vs beer with this man, their ass is going down lickity split. He's like the Yoda of shotgunning beer. Kids around the country grew up wanting to be Michael Jordan or LeBron James. Kids around Philly grow up wanting to be as dominant as this man right here.
And clearly our girl Lauren has the stuff. So you don't even need to watch the show to know how the rest of this season is going to pan out. Lauren already locked that shit up, and now you can hang another championship banner in the rafters. I'll see everybody on Broad St. for the parade.