Yo Vindog! A Relationship Advice Column for Knuckleheads
I've been married for 44 years, so I know a little sumthin about keeping it together despite being a complete and absolute knucklehead.
I'll start it off, but I want you guys to leave your questions in the comments, kinda like a "Dear Abby" for knuckleheads, but we'll always start our questions with "Yo Vindog!". I'll choose one or two relationship questions a week and answer them to the best of my ability…
I love it when a woman begins a rant with, "I just want to start by getting something off my chest…" That's when I usually interrupt, "Well if you’ll allow me to help, may I suggest you start with that tight-fitting sweater…"
That's usually not what they want to hear, but who could resist, right?
Over the years, I've found myself, let's just say, kinda limited in my reach after making comments like that… But you younger guys don’t have to fail where I have. You can learn from my mistakes.
Women may fall in love with that wise-cracking knucklehead that is you, but that's only because they think they can change you. The trick is to make them believe you're a willing participant in their boyfriend makeover without actually being one. More on that in future editions…
Vindog's Relationship Tip of the Day
You never want to forget a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day, which is tomorrow! That's why when you go to the store to buy a card, stock up! Don't buy just one; buy several, and for different occasions, that way you’ll have 'em ready for the next few years or when you find yourself in a relationship emergency and need a card to patch things up. Just hide 'em good because if they find your stash, they won't be happy. They may take 'em, destroy 'em, just to make you go out and buy a fresh one. They want to know you made a special trip just for them, and the sentiments printed on the card are current and heartfelt.
I once went out to buy a card on my wife's birthday, and despite it being a very romantic and thoughtful card, she wasn't happy and quick to point out how last-minute I was. Like, I might’ve come dangerously close to forgetting her birthday, which, if I’m being completely honest, guilty! Day Of Purchases don’t always go over well with some women. They want to know you were thinking about them for days; hours mean absolutely nothing to them…
In general, women don't understand guy-busy. Your motorcycle needed more polish; you were watching the most inspirational segment of Rocky III for the twenty-eighth time or playing Call of Duty. Since they don't get it, and never will, have a designated hidden Hallmark draw full of cards, so you're always prepared, and your delivery is always on time. You gotta play your cards right…
You're a full-fledged, card-carrying knucklehead if you get teary-eyed watching this. I always do…
Now it's your turn, fellow knuckleheads. Put your relationship questions in the comments, and I promise to do my best to provide you with solid relationship advice. Whether it's about your girlfriend, wife, or goomah, I got ya covered…
Disclaimer: Any advice given in this column is purely for entertainment purposes and cannot be made part of any litigation due to break-up, separation, or divorce.