Someone Please Call A Doctor Because The Raging Porzingis In My Pants Has Lasted Way More Than 4 Hours

Brian Babineau. Getty Images.

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I am not even close to coming down right now. Even with all these hours since the final buzzer sounded, I remain as high in the clouds as I've ever been. Forget cloud 9, we're well past that. We're onto cloud 11 and while Jaylen is correct in saying winning 11 in a row is not easy to do, I'll go one step further.

Nobody, in the history of the NBA, at any point in their existence, has won 11 in a row like the 2024 Boston Celtics have currently done

11 in a row by an average margin of victory of +22.1 points. What the hell even is that? This isn't just beating teams, this is going full belt to ass. When you look at how things shape up during this streak, it's straight up 2K easy mode type shit

ORTG: 128.7 (1st)

DRTG: 106.3 (2nd)

Net Rating: +22.5 (1st)

If you were curious, the next closes net rating comes via the Wolves, who sit at +9.8. So when I say the Celts are playing at a level that only they reside in, I'm not kidding. It's not even close. This is starting to become a generational ass kicking run to the likes the league has never seen before and it's been around for 77 years!

What we witnessed was years of frustration all coming out at once. Having lost 5 of 6 to GS, it would be perfectly normal to suggest they owned this team mentally. They were the big bad wolf that no matter how well the Celts had been playing, whenever they faced each other the Warriors always seemed to find a way to remind them who their daddy was. It's OK to admit it. We would say the same thing about any other matchup that the Celts had won 5 of 6 in. In fact, we say it all the time with the Sixers for example. 

So for Celts fans, this is partly why last night is so impactful. For the first time in forever, it felt like they were finally over the mental block. They exorcised their demons to the tune of one of the biggest blowouts in franchise history, and by the end of it had Steph Curry confirming exactly what we all have been seeing with our own eyes these last few weeks

He's not lying. Peep the 2017 Warriors

I will remind you, all four teams ahead of the Celts in scoring differential all won the NBA title. Every single one. The way the Celts are currently playing, I'm not ruling out passing that 2017 Warriors team either, because nothing we're currently watching is unsustainable. We know that because ya know, they've been doing it every single night since October. The 2023-24 are the very definition of sustainable dominance, and that's what makes this so special to watch. 

I try my best to reinforce the reminder that perspective is important when it comes to this stuff, but it's getting harder by the game. It's just all so overwhelming when you realize we may be witnessing not only one of the greatest Celtics teams in their history, but one of the greatest teams in all of NBA history. 

Sure they have to cap it off with a title so they don't become the 1972 Bucks, but it's only March 4th. All we can do is form opinions based on what has happened thus far, and that paints a pretty insane picture. 

Yesterday, that picture looked like the 3rd 50 point win of a season, also something never done before in NBA history. Yesterday I called it the purest form of Celtics porn we've ever had, and that might not even truly do it justice. 

Let's dive in

The Good

- I'm still laughing to myself at how the Warriors tried to guard Jaylen Brown. I get trying new things and throwing different looks at players, but I'll never understand letting a guy who shoots 39% on the season on open 3PA and had been shooting 42.5% from deep since the break practice shots. All that did was light the fuse and the Celts never looked back

I could make the case that since the return from the All Star Break, Jaylen Brown has not only taken his game up a level, he's arguably been the team's most productive and efficient player. Through those 5 games, he's currently throwing up

27.2/5.8/3.4/1.0 on 59.6/45.2% with 2.8 3PM and only 1.4 TOs a game

The beauty of how he's playing is the fact that it's not just coming on the offensive end. Jaylen has been playing some of the best defense of his life both on and off the ball this year, and when your franchise player is taking that responsibility and consistently plays with that type of effort, that shit is contagious. It's the same with Tatum. When those two are locked in, everyone else falls in line and the Celts become a tidal wave of dominance. We all know everything starts with the two best players, and it should be no surprise how good the team is playing when you see what both of those guys are doing on a nightly basis.

While the 3PM were a nice fuck you to Draymond and the Warriors, this game was another example of something we continue to see during this entire 11 game winning streak. If your team does not have the wing size and length to slow down the Jays defensively, you stand no chance. Just like all the teams before them, the Warriors were too small. This isn't a GS problem, this is an every team in the league problem. When either Jay wanted to get into the paint or at the rim, they got there with zero resistance. 

Yes, Jaylen took his wide open 3s when he was dared to shoot (went 5-10), but guess what the rest of his shot chart looked like?

Too big, too strong, too quick. 

- Then of course there was the birthday boy. We're seeing a trend where Tatum spends his first shift of the game playing defense and setting everyone up, letting his teammates catch a rhythm early. Sometimes that's Jaylen, sometimes that's Porzingis, sometimes that's Derrick. The beauty in that is not only are his teammates suddenly feeling great, but also because we all know that at any moment Tatum can decide "OK, my turn" and completely take a game over in a single quarter

27/3/5 on 9-13 (4-5) in just 25 minutes and a team best +40. That is not an accident. 

This is what makes Tatum different from other MVP candidates who need to rely on heavy usage and being the only one to touch the ball every possession. He can give you MVP level dominance while basically only being involved offensively for 2.5 quarters. People mistake playing the right way for "being carried by a superteam", which is just their way of coping. It's very clear that if Tatum wanted to put up 35 every night he could, but he knows that for the Celtics to win the title, that is not the style in which he needs to play. 

On this team, everybody eats.

This game is a perfect example. It's Tatum's birthday, and a National TV game against Steph Curry, the Celts are rolling, in previous years we probably see Tatum force things. Compare that to what we actually got and you can see the difference in his mindset, which is why this season feels so different. 

Just like with Jaylen, I loved how Tatum attacked the rim with force throughout the game. Sometimes that meant taking a smaller defender into the post, sometimes that meant giving a fake at the top of the arc and then getting downhill quickly for an easy layup. The point is, there was no Warriors defender that had the size or quickness to deal with Tatum either, which is why it was no surprise that Tatum/Brown outscored the entire Warriors team by themselves in the first half. That is not normal.

- 140 points on 55/51% splits, 25 3PM, 35 AST and only 7 TOs. This might have been the Mazzulla Ball apex as far as I'm concerned, and to help put into perspective how rare of a performance this was, yesterday was only the 7th time in franchise history that the Celts have ever made 25 3PM in a game. How'd they do in those games? I dunno, is 7-0 good?

The ball movement, the ball security, the production from behind the arc and inside the paint, it was everything us Mazzulla Ball believers know to be true. This is the way. Joe knows what the hell he's doing, including even unleashing some jedi mindtricks to keep the guys fresh

Of all the leaps we've seen from players on the roster this year, I do not think we should overlook the leap that Joe is making in Year 2. He's pitching a coaching masterclass in every sense, and to still be denying this after all we've seen makes little to no sense to me. 

This is why those who called for him to be fired after the ECF don't run the team. Maybe Brad Stevens knows what he's doing after all? What a crazy concept.

- This was sneaky a tremendous two way Derrick White performance, On the defensive end, he gave Steph Curry hell, holding him to just 2 points on 1-5 shooting on his defensive possessions. Offensively, he finished with 14/3/8 on 5-6 (3-4) with 0 TOs, ending the night a +36 in his 19 minutes. That is insane

Combined with Jrue, the starting backcourt finished this game with All NBA caliber defense paired with 12 assists and not a single TO. I'm sorry, but you aren't beating the Celtics if you get the Jays playing like that paired with this type of guard production from the backcourt. 

You need to pray the Celts go cold from deep while also turn it over a lot to have a chance, and when they don't, well….you lose by 52.

- It's hard to imagine this game was tied 21-21 at one point. It felt like we were in for another back and forth battle with the greatest shooter to ever live. Then, out of nowhere, we witnessed one of the best runs of the season. A 23-1 outburst that blew this game wide open which had the Celts playing as close to perfect basketball as humanly possible. The entire run was pure Celtics porn

This was their "we're done being bullied" moment in my opinion. A statement run like you read about. Threes, ball movement, points in the paint, suffocating defense, rebounding, this was like watching basketball nirvana and something I've watched no fewer than 10,000 times since it happened.

- If you were to look at the box score and saw that Payton Pritchard had 19 points, you'd probably assume they all came against the scrubs in this blowout, but that's not really the case. I mean, Pritchard did dominte the scrubs once he was allowed to morph into Pro Am Pritchard, but when you go back and watch this game you see that his play in the 1st/2nd quarter was a big reason why the Celts were able to extend a run like that

The most noticeable difference for me in this game was how Pritchard consistency finished at the rim over bigger players. His footwork was impeccable, and that has historically always been a problem area for him. It's why you would often see him drive the ball hard into the paint, get in trouble because he didn't want to try and finish over larger players, and the possession would stall.

Now? I mean, it's like watching a completely different player. How Pritchard is now able to manipulate his defender in a way that allows him to get his shot off uncontested, the perfect balance of his speed and positioning has unlocked a new element in his offensive arsenal. No longer is he just a catch and shoot guy, which changes the equation when it comes to his minutes. What makes the Celts so tough is their ability to pressure on the defense from every player on the floor. With Pritchard, it used to come via his outside shot, forcing the defense to come out and guard him, which opens up lanes for everyone else. Now, we're seeing Pritchard be the one to also utlizie and take advantage of those driving lanes, all while finishing at a high clip once he gets to the rim.

Not to mention the man is an animal on the defensive end despite his size. When you're small like Pritchard, you have to live in your opponents' air space. You have to use ball pressure as a way to make them uncomfortable, and that's exactly what Pritchard does at all times once he steps on the floor. 

So yeah, he did feast on the scrubs late, but getting that boost while the game was still in the balance is partly how they ended up leading by 44 at the break.

- The Celts won the fastbreak points battle 42-12. Yes that's right. 42-12. That's a real stat.

The Bad

- Look, in a game the Celts led by as many as 56, it's not to have even a single complaint about this performance. That's the level of ass kicking we witnessed.

But if I had to choose something, I guess the 12 OREB? I mean most of them came late so it was whatever, but it was another game allowing double digit OREB which has been the achilles heel for this team for about 2 months now. 

- I guess you could also point to the second half defense if you wanted. I mean giving up 50 points? Excuse me? Way to lose your focus. It almost makes you wonder if the Celts can be locked in enough when it matters after seeing that.

I'm sorry, how was that? I tried to do my best to put on my doomer cap, but it just felt forced if we're being honest.

- While I get why they did it and it obviously didn't matter, it was a bit of a bummer that we didn't get to see KP in this matchup at all this season. For selfish reasons I just wanted to see what it looked like, because defenses like GS are the exact reason why Brad went out and traded for KP, and it was clear in the first meeting that he certainly would have made an impact.

But I'm also of the thought that if he has even so much as a hangnail the Celts should give him a day off until we get to the playoffs, so it did have my brain in a bit of a pretzel. A bummer for sure, but oh well.

The Ugly

- Come on, please be serious. See ya never.

After finishing their little homestand 3-0, the Celts now head on the road for a much tougher challenge in terms of opponents with CLE/DEN/PHX up next. Should the Celts win those games, I think we have to start entertaining the idea that they have a chance to catch the '86 Celts win total (67). They'd need to close 16-3 to do it, which doesn't seem all that crazy given what we are currently watching.