Detroit Man Arrested For Jerking Off In A Movie Theater During Kristen Stewart's New Movie

Tough day to be the Detroit man who got arrested for choking the chicken at a screening of 'Love Lies Bleeding' last night. 

Luckily for us, though - it wasn't Barstool's Detroit correspondent Chris Castellani. He hates movie theaters.

Not only did this guy get so drunk he fell asleep, likely causing him to miss a lot of the movie - he was promptly woken up and arrested after the showing because apparently "jerking off" is not allowed inside public theaters!

Tough night at the movies, eh?! Oh, and a picture of his flaccid penis is now all over the internet (NSFW). Not great!

As someone who has dealt with a rogue jerker in my movie theater not once, but TWICE….

….I gotta tell ya, I always looked at those people as the creepiest perverts in our society. Bottom of the barrel crumb bums, who likely lead a life Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs would appreciate. Especially the guy who wanked it in my showing of 'The Polar Express' back in 2004. That's one sick fuck right there.

Something about this guy's drink/snack choice had me rethinking his misdeeds for a bit, though….

Sure, you can't let the demons out in public - we all know that - but he was just trying to be a dude before that! Couple drinks, couple vapes, pack of cigs - I agree with Bob Goochman; that IS the way movies were meant to be watched! Seems like the ideal experience when you're going out on the town. He just had to take his cock out and cross that pervert fleshhold threshold. Smgdh.