RIP Jonathan Crenshaw, The Armless Miami Native Who Made For an All-Time Pizza Review

Miami New Times - Jonathan Crenshaw, a homeless man with no arms who spent years amusing tourists and other onlookers by painting canvases with his feet on Lincoln Road, died at 51

On May 12, 2023, just weeks after being cited for a local trespassing incident, Crenshaw was found unresponsive on a sidewalk outside a parking lot on James Avenue across the street from a string of motels. According to an autopsy report, a security camera showed him in a "squatted position" on the sidewalk before tumbling forward on his face.

His cause of death was found to be esophageal varices — or enlarged veins in the esophagus lining that can lead to life-threatening bleeding — which was caused by fatty liver disease, according to the report.

His death hasn't been publicly reported in local media until now, despite happening close to a year ago. A Wikipedia page for Crenshaw doesn't mention his passing.

Dave Portnoy has encountered more colorful characters than you can count over the course of a decade of pizza reviews. 

The dude with a shirt 3 sizes too small in front of Dragon Pizza. Dom of the Year in front of Dragon Pizza. The crazy lady speaking off camera in front of Joe and Pats. The gay couple in front of Joe and Pats. The war veteran in front of Joe and Pats. And so many others that don't immediately come to mind. I'm sure most people reading this have a bigger list of pizza review characters than I do. There's not telling who Dave is going to run into during a review.

But the armless artist pulling a suitcase in front of Block's Pizza Deli in Miami, Florida is one of my favorite.

"Make sure you give it to a crack addict"

What does that mean? I have no idea, Dave is just standing there with a personal slice of pizza. He's clearly about to eat it himself. Why would he give his pizza dinner to a crack addict?

But more importantly how does a man with no arms pull a suitcase?

"How is he pulling that?"

It's a question that still puzzles me to this day. I've watched the video 100 times and I still don't have an answer. Is it tied around his nub? Is he squeezing it between his armpit? No clue. But I suppose when you're armless you learn how to do shit by any means necessary. Jonathan Crenshaw had a suitcase to pull, and by god was he going to pull the suitcase.

Jonathan Crenshaw is one of the most legendary of all the pizza review characters. But more importantly a staple of Miami Beach. I saw him myself when I went there on vacation in 2019. Dude was just always around. And he's an artist. Painted with his feet. RIP Jonathan. Thank you for making a hilarious moment.

(Also he once stabbed a guy with his feet. Which I guess is bad. But as an armless dude it's almost more impressive than anything. If only there was a video of this incident. It would only add to his legend)