Horny Watch: Whoever Designed the U.S. Olympic Women's Track & Field Uniforms

The 2024 Summer Olympics are taking place in Paris this year. Which means for 16 days over the summer we will all become deeply invested in sports like gymnastics, swimming, badminton, ping-pong, volleyball, beach volleyball, men's volleyball, synchronized diving, horse dancing, and for the first time in the history of the Olympics, flag football. 

Personally, I love the Olympics. It's a nice little change of pace every couple of years. It's the perfect thing to throw on your TV in the background. The perfect thing to loosely pay attention to while you're scrolling Reddit, TikTok, Twitter, Truth Social, PornHub, or whatever you do when you're bored at home killing time.

But this story is about track & field. In particular, women's track and field. Our women's track & field participants are none too pleased with the cut of their uniforms jib.

The Guardian - But there was no shortage of Olympic athletes appalled or bemused by the cut of the briefs, with long jumper Tara Davis-Woodhall memorably noting that “my hoo haa is gonna be out.” 

MI News. Shutterstock Images.

Apparently someone on the USA Olympic Costume Design Team (or whoever designs these uniforms), got a little bit too horny for their britches. 

Not much room for error there (pubes wise). If you want to run track & field for the US Women's Olympic team, you better be shaved up. Or not. I suppose you could make a pretty hilarious statement by growing out a massive bush before running the 100 Meter Dash in front of the entire world. I don't know what statement you would be making. But standing on the podium bush-out would be a pretty funny visual. And there's nothing anybody could tell you about it. They can't force you to shave. That's sexist (?).  If they don't want your bush all over television then they should have designed some less revealing uniforms. 

Although to be fair.. this is kind of a non-story. Because apparently athletes have a choice between wearing the camel toe cut onesies, or a pair of shorts.

Nike defended itself by noting that Team USA athletes not only have a choice between briefs and shorts but a wide variety of other outfit combinations. And reigning Olympic pole vault champion Katie Moon criticized the notion that the uniforms are sexist. “Whether we feel best in a potato sack or a bathing suit during competitions, we should support the autonomy,” Moon, who is sponsored by Nike, wrote on Instagram. 

But still, it makes me laugh to think that whoever designed these uniforms is just some horny guy who wanted to see how much Olympic crotch he can expose on live TV. Somebody who's just a stone's throw away from trying to create a Team USA track uniform that consists of nothing but body tape. The kind of body tape you see on runway model's. 

Europa Newswire. Shutterstock Images.

Sex sells I guess. It'll be interesting to see how many athletes opt for the high-cut camel toe onsie over the pair of shorts. I can't wait for the Olympics.