Very Unfair! People Are Cyber-Bullying Ovi For Being A King!

Oh I'm sorry, is being a king frowned upon these days? Well if being a king is now ILLEGAL, toss Ovi in jail and throw away the key! Can't a guy enjoy his offseason anymore? Oh I'm sorry he's not eating celery sticks with hummus all June, grow up. He's a fuckin' Russian, gotta feed the big boy! And sometimes the big boy eats an extra cookie after midnight, whomst amongst us?!? 

And the haters, of which there are many, cannot wrap their simple minds around the fact Ovi is built like a brick house. Always has been, always will be. If you're now shaming the greatest goal scorer of all time for being wide as a barn, you don't get to celebrate him when he passes Gretzky's record. And lemme tell ya, this isn't the first time he's packed on a few el bees in the offseason. The man is 50% Subway sandwiches, 50% vodka. And he'll go out next year at 39 years old and score another 40 goals. 

PS: You guys ever watch Ovi rookie season highlights? It was many moons ago, well before Twitter, but I am not sure people realize before he was firing shots from his office, he would just go end to end, like McDavid. He was playing with absolutely nobody so he did it all himself.