Simon Cowell Signed A Huge Deal With Netflix As He Attempts To Create "The New One Direction", And Nobody Is Showing Up to Auditions

Evening Standard - Simon Cowell has inked a major deal with Netflix for a new series aimed at discovering the next big band, according to a new report.

The music mogul, 64, has been vocal about his quest to replicate the success of One Direction, who found fame on 2010’s X Factor when he mentored them.

The show, aptly titled Simon Cowell: Midas Touch, is reportedly in the final stages of negotiation with the streaming platform.

A source told The Sun: “Netflix is the perfect place for his new show and Box To Box, who are producing the series, have worked with them before.

“Simon and his team have been working so hard on getting the show off the ground and a final deal is so close now.”

The choice of the show's name has raised eyebrows among industry insiders, reflecting Cowell's confidence in his talent scouting abilities.

The source added: “Simon knows he is the best at what he does and calling his show Midas Touch gives a new meaning to blowing your own trumpet.”

Simon Cowell, the man who has made a career out of Britishly criticizing music talent, has been given a Netflix show of his very own. It's called The Midas Touch. Simon Cowell is holding open auditions across the country of England in hopes of finding "the new One Direction". Simon Cowell is largely given credit for discovering the original One Direction. He's the one who formed the group back in 2010 when they were auditioning on The X Factor. Apparently he thinks he can do it again.

Unfortunately for Simon Cowell, nobody seems interested in being dressed down by a 64-year old Brit day-in and day-out for an outside shot at being a part of the next 4 person hot boy mega group. Allegedly, a depressingly low number of singers showed up to their first Liverpool audition.

The Sun - Only a handful of lads turned up but organisers had clearly expected huge queues at the Albert Dock venue — with long rows of railings outside just as in the heyday of The X Factor.

One observer said: “They started arriving slowly from about 9am on Saturday but the biggest number in the queue never amounted to more than about 40.

“By early afternoon, the number arriving had virtually dried up and it was the same story on the Sunday audition.

“The amount of railings they put up suggested they were expecting hundreds or thousands of people to arrive and pack out the queues but they had a fraction of those kinds of numbers.”

They went on to cancel the dates of two upcoming auditions. They claim the reason for the cancellations is "travel issues", but regardless, clearly  there are not nearly as many people interested in being Simon Cowell's latest pet project as they had anticipated. No more than 40 people in line at a time is brutal. Especially considering they ran a massive marketing campaign to promote it. If Barstool Sports put out a notice right now that we're holding open auditions tomorrow, I bet we clear that number with ease.

So it looks like it's time to nut up Simon. You're obviously a person who thinks highly of yourself. You named your show, "The Midas Touch" after all (i.e. everything you touch turns to gold). If you're as much of a kingmaker as you say you are, 40+ people per audition should be plenty to work with. All they should need is a little bit of your highly-sought after guidance in the form of 5-6 hours of verbal abuse per day, then VOILA.. the world will have it's newest gang of provocative boys gyrating their way to the top of the charts. Middle school girls, Kelly Keegs, and pedophiles everywhere will hang posters on their wall. They'll have massive success until the most talented boy embarks on a solo career. The other three will develop severe drug addictions, blow all their money, and fade off into obscurity until they show up on the undercard of a TikTok boxing PPV. Simon Cowell will make millions and get more plastic surgery to finally complete his transformation into Ronald McDonald. 

Another classic music industry success story. Or you can take the easy way out and call in the big guns.

That's not the worst idea. It's only a matter of time before a trans pop star truly becomes a household name and the world loses their minds about it. 50-year old men with burner accounts who have never listened to music outside of classic rock or country will declare it the end of America as we know. 13-year old girl's with K-pop avatars will attempt to explain to those men the finer points of the transgender experience through a sea of emojis. Other's will be sure to remind everyone twice daily how much they don't actually care. It'll be great. If Simon really wants to take his band to the next level, he'll come to America and hold a series of auditions at whatever hotels New York has opened up to immigrants. That's a show I'd watch. "Simon Cowell puts together the most controversial band of all time." Now we're on to something…

Either way Simon better not pull the plug on this. If he's as much of an influential music industry genius as he fancies himself to be, he should have no problem building the next big thing out of virtually nothing.