The Pole Vaulter Who Got World Famous For His Giant Wang Taunts Us All About His 'Package' Creating 'Buzz'

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Look, if you go instantly viral - and I mean global pandemic levels of virality with every male friend group worldwide debating whether they'd trade an Olympic medal for having 7 billion people know you've got a monster in your trousers - we shouldn't expect humility from you. 

That is too big an ask.

Look, if you go instantly viral - and I mean global pandemic levels of virality with every male friend group worldwide debating whether they'd trade an Olympic medal for having 7 billion people know you've got a monster in your trousers - we shouldn't expect humility from you. That is too big an ask. 

Right now France's Anthony Ammirati has bragging rights over 99% of the world's male population of the world, and drilling rights to just about every woman. He could've won Pole Vault Gold and set a World Record and he still couldn't buy the kind of publicity his bar gave him by hitting that bar. So he's got every opportunity to draw attention to himself. And sacre bleu, he is not wasting it.

People - Anthony Ammirati knows you're talking about him — he just wishes it was for a different reason. …

Ammirati, 21, was a good sport about the situation and even got in on the fun, posting a TikTok about it. …

 Over the video, the first-time Olympian wrote in French, "POV: tu fais plus de buzz pour ton paquet que pour tes perfs," which roughly translates to, "POV: You create more buzz for your package than your performances."

 He continued to joke in the caption, which translates to, "I don't really know if I should take it well or not 😂." 

OK, Jeanny Wadd, that'll be enough of that. Like I said, no one's expecting humility. But you can knock it right fecking off with pretending to be embarrassed by all the attention. Don't rub our noses in it. Not figuratively, and definitely not literally. Oh, poor, poor pitiful me. The whole world is talking about how endowed I am. All I wanted was to labor in the obscure life of a French pole vaulter. And I don't know how I should feel about all the positive attention I'm getting! Being envied for my sexually desirable physical traits is the worst. Get le fuq out of here with that. 

All I ask is a little sincerity. Some authenticity. Being Anthony Ammirati has to be riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels right about now. And no one begrudges him all the fame-seeking he can possibly generate. Because who knows how long it'll last. All glory is fleeting, after all. Just don't lie to us like your feeling somehow dubious about the situation. And if it really isn't a total positive, the rest of us can recommend he take two Spanish Beach Volleyball players and a Swedish Synchronized Diving team and get plenty of rest in one of those cardboard beds. Just don't come looking to guys like us for sympathy.