Getting Married on a College Football Saturday Is Selfish and Obnoxious

In the most predictable internet reaction of all-time, people are apparently genuinely upset at my unwillingness to attend a fictitious sister's wedding if it were to fall on October 12 of this year. If you are one of those people, I am here to tell you that I only wish I had gone further in this clip.

Anyone who schedules a wedding on a fall Saturday — particularly in the South — is among the most selfish people in our society. And if that person is insistent upon your attendance at the wedding they deliberately planned to take place on one of the 12 most important days of the year, they're selfish and unrealistic.

You can do what you want. If you want people to be at your wedding checking their phones every two minutes, many of them upset they've been dragged there against their wills, that's fine. But you don't get to be mad when some others willing to stand up for what they believe in put their foot down and take a stand.

And that's the case for any college football Saturday. We were talking specifically about this slate of games on October 12:

Yeah, sorry sis, it's gonna be a no go on this one. I'll send a nice gift, but you're not getting me out to a repurposed barn in the middle of nowhere with no cell signal for six hours. I hope everyone has an amazing time, though.