What I Saw In The Ring This Weekend

There were a TON of sports to watch this weekend, but I chose to only watch boxing and NASCAR… If you have an issue with that, blow me.

Since NASCAR's Cup Series race was postponed due to rain, there are 2 things from the boxing world this weekend I want to make sure you're aware of… Well… Three things, actually.

The first is a terrifying fighter you have never heard of named Arslanbek Ruslanovich Makhmudov…

Richard Pelham. Getty Images.

His name may sound like a mixed martial artist, but Makhmudov is a 35-year-old Russian heavyweight boxer with a record of 19-2 (w/ 18 KOs). I'd argue he is past his prime (but not to his face) because those 2 losses have come in his last 3 fights, getting knocked out by 2 non-household names like Agit Kabayel in December of last year and Guido Vianello this past Saturday night.

As I said before, Makhmudov lost the fight, but he left with a souvenir…

Now, I "fought" a little in college… And I put "fought" in quotes because I wasn't very good. I've even had my left eye swollen shut by a couple of errant loads straight right hands. But I can't imagine the pressure that must be built up off to the side of this poor bastard's left eye (the Instagram pic is reversed), and it only confirms the adage "You don't play boxing." because if a monster like Mahmudov can have a giant puckered asshole installed on his face by a no-name like Guido "The Gladiator" Vianello, imagine what could happen to Jake Paul if he fought a half-way decent fighter?

As a matter of fact, why not watch this three-minute recap of the fight, but picture Jake Paul's face eating all those shots instead of Arslanbek Ruslanovich Makhmudov's?…

Not violent enough?… I got one more.

As I said above, I'm a boxing fan, but my guilty pleasure is watching bare-knuckle fighting when my boxing purist friends aren't looking.

I particularly like what the fellas over at BYB are doing because they aren't as top-heavy as some of the other bare-knuckle leagues, AND they fight in a triangular ring that has the most intimate corners in all of combat sports.

Octagons are basically without any corners, and boxing rings meet up at four 90-degree corners. But in the BYB's "trigon", you can get trapped in a 60-degree corner with absolutely no place to go unless someone rips part of your ear off.

Which is exactly what happened Saturday night to this other poor bastard you've never heard of…

I've been to a live BKB event before… Sat on the apron with a former pro boxer named Paulie Malinaggi.

Before the fight began, Paulie threw on a plastic smock, and then gave me a piece of advice that I will always cherish- "Large, unless you have something important to say, try to keep your mouth shut during these fights." 

At first, I thought he wasn't a fan of small talk, but three minutes later, when my face was spattered with blood, I realized he was just trying to protect me from airborne blood pathogens. 

Here are the notes that I had in front of me…

Now picture Jake Paul getting part of his ear punched off in a blood-soaked Trigon as you watch this next clip…

And the third, and final, kinda boxing-related thing I will throw in this blog that might be as disturbing to you as anything that happened in a ring (triangular or otherwise) is the newest video from Holly Sonders and Oscar de la Hoya from this past weekend. You'll have to Google it because the cunts at Instagram made Holly take it down, but it was a video of the Golden Boy wearing nothing but a thong and dancing with his bikini-clad girlfriend.

Or you can see a blurred-out version on the New York Post's website…

The clip may seem out of the norm, but Oscar and his consenting queen have a history of wearing only underwear (female or otherwise) in videos just for goofs… 

And since I wasn't put on this planet to be a goalie, far be it from me to try and yuck De la Hoya's barely-dressed yum. Instead, I'll leave you footage of the 1992 gold medalist dancing to 'King" Ryan Garcia's latest single- "Blessed Highly Favored".

God knows what we'll see next week, but I'll have a front-row seat.

(I look like her long-lost third buttcheek.)

Take a report.

-Large