Everybody Needs It, Needs It Bad...

Everybody needs it, needs it bad… I'm talkin' insurance—auto, home, life, and health. (Oh, and everybody needs some of that, too. So you don't go insane)

Insurance is a vital part of life. However, it's confusing, at least for me. It should be more straightforward, but insurance companies like it that way and take full advantage of it.

Growing up, my parents had a local Insurance Agent. Lou Sweet had an office not far from the center of town. He was a clean-shaven professional who dressed in a shirt and tie every day. He was always available and ready to answer questions. As a young adult, I went into his office to see him. He told me what I needed and how much it cost, and I cut him a check. I trusted him, and he never did me wrong. He's no longer with us, but he died an insurance legend.

After I got married, bought a house, and had kids, my wife and I went with the cheapest insurance we could find, changing often. When we got notifications of rate increases, we started shopping again.

Recently, Liberty Biberty notified us of an increase, forcing us to become shoppers. Turns out those TV commercials must be pretty fucking expensive because the increase was out-fucking-rageous! I decided to get quotes from Progressive and Geico…

I never thought that insurance companies needed mascots. Biberty has an emu named LiMu Emu, who tags along with his human friend Doug. Doug communicates very well with the bird, which is somewhat amusing.

Progressive has Flo and Jamie, a duo that does absolutely nothing for me. The skits are not funny, IMO. But to each his own…

Geico has Martin, an animated gecko with a Cockney accent. In head-to-head competition, I prefer Martin. He's witty and unthreatening, and who shopping for insurance doesn't love an English accent emanating from the mouth of a little green lizard? 

Martin's the perfect pitchman for an insurance company if there is such a thing.

But no one chooses their insurance company based on mascots. Right?

First, I went online and tried to get quotes myself, but at one point, I had questions the websites couldn't answer, so I had to call. The dreaded telephone calls to aggressive insurance agents are pure torture for me! But my current insurance was running out, and I needed it badly, so I had to man up.

Both companies were very willing to work with me and very thorough. I needed home and auto insurance for two vehicles, possibly three, so I qualified for a bundle discount with both companies.

Progressive came in slightly better, so I decided to go with them. I thought the agent I spoke to on the phone could close the deal, but she was an agent from an outside source who could only write home insurance. She gave me a phone number for auto and a reference number to get the bundle discount. 

I called and got an agent in Ohio (same time zone) who handled auto. We went over the coverage, and I had lots of questions. At first, she said she couldn't give me a bundle discount because the home insurance wasn't gonna start for seven days. When I threatened to cancel, she suddenly found a way to get it done…

We upped the coverage in a few categories and tweaked the rest. I was ready to pay and put my insurance needs in the rearview mirror. I was more than happy to say "Hasta La Vista!" to Liberty Biberty, who I felt didn't have my best interest at heart. But before she could take my credit card, I needed my youngest son's license number and the plate number of the Golf he was driving. I said I'd call him and get right back to her.

Fifteen minutes later, I called back with the information she needed, but she didn't pick up. So I left the numbers on her voicemail and told her to call me back ASAP so we could finalize.

At some point, most people have had their fill of insurance quotes and want to wrap things up. I was in that place, and it was a dark place, and I just wanted it to be over.

When I didn't receive a call back three hours later, I called again and left another message on her voicemail. I did this for the next seven days until I had had enough. I called Progressive's main office to cancel my home insurance and get a full refund.

After painstakingly navigating Progressive's phone menu, I eventually spoke with a customer service rep. I explained how unhappy I was that the auto agent had ignored my calls for seven days and that a company that didn't call me back to take my money would never be there when I had a claim. It took twelve days to receive the refund.

I called Geico immediately after getting off the phone with Progressive and spoke with an agent in the Raynham office, 13 miles from my house. She told me she'd heard similar stories from people who wanted out of Progressive. She said my agent, Matt, would give me a call first thing Monday morning, which he did. I added the third car, and we had it all done in under 35 minutes. 

No one will ever replace Sweet Lou; he's the GOAT! But given a chance, Matt may carve out a valued spot in my insurance history. Only time will tell…

Maybe choosing an insurance company IS about the mascots. My favorite pitchman is Martin, an animated gecko with a Cockney accent. I could've just picked my favorite insurance mascot at the onset and saved myself a lot of aggravation. Next time…

It doesn't matter who you buy your insurance from; you'll end up on hold, frustrated as hell, or worse, waiting for a callback.

Here's another legend talking about his frustration with the telephone.