Breaking Down Which NFL Mascot Would Win A Royal Rumble

This week on KFC Radio my favorite voicemail was about which NFL mascot would win in a Royal Rumble style fight to the death? The key point in this hypothetical is that each mascot has their powers and assets they would have in their everyday life. So for example, the main draw of picking the Patriot would be that he has a musket at his disposal.

The Chargers, Packers, Giants, and Jets are excluded from this one immediately because they’re living in the past and don’t have a mascot. Let’s get it straight though, if the Chargers did have a mascot, they’re the instant winner. Nobody and no thing outside of Harry Potter is beating lightning.

We’re also getting rid of every bird and horse off the rip because they don’t stand a chance with the brute force of some of our other options here. Buffalos too because I think they’re too slow and wouldn’t care enough about the fight to actually do anything.

With everyone that’s left it has to be the lion that would come out on top right? I imagine it being a Hardy Boyz level tag team with the Detroit Lion and the toro from the Texans.

Greg Nelson. Getty Images.

The toro is just gonna obliterate anything with weapons like the Patriot and his musket or the Buccaneer and his arsenal of swords. At the end of the day though, the lion is the king of the jungle. That cold hearted son of a bitch is going no holds barred on the bull when push comes to shove.

Give me ANY mascot in the four major sports (minus the Raptor obviously) and I think I’m taking the Detroit Lion. He’s also seen some shit having to watch that team play for his whole life…he’s fighting angry.

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