Arthur Blank Inducting Himself Into His Own Team's Ring Of Honor Is Such A Baller Move

THAT'S THE REASON YOU LIFT ALL THEM DOLLARS ARTIE!!! Some people see sports ownership as a civic duty to the people in a community while others see it as strictly a moneymaking venture. But the real men with vision see it as a way to become an immortal in the world of gladiators without ever having to worry about colliding with another person in a game full of human car accidents every single week.

Sure it's cool to be the star QB or the lockdown defender any given Sunday. But you know what those superathletes don't have? Access to the PR department, the accounting department, and the stadium management team. You know who does? The owner, who can get all those groups together along with any other necessary departments to induct him into a spot in his own Ring of Honor with a fresh new jacket like he's the Caesar of Atlanta football.

If that emperor is smart, he will know to bring in the finest entertainers for the commoners to cheer during his big event, much like Commodus' 100 days of games.

And of course the greats will build a statue of themselves that will live forever like their legacy.

That legacy is, ummmmm, that time the Falcons almost beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl before they got gutted in the biggest comeback in the biggest game in the sports history? Or the last 20 or so years where Falcons haunt the people who draft their fantasy players or bet them in big games? Oh I know what it must be, this picture, which can make me laugh every single time I see it.

So congrats on making your Ring of Honor, Arthur Blank. I'm sure your foundation actually does a lot of good for people that makes you worthy of such an honor, as well as how easy Home Depot makes it for a moron like me to get shit for my house and giving the Falcons stability at the top of the org chart. But putting your name in the rafters of the team where your name is at the bottom of the paychecks is the move I truly respect.