Average-Sized Dick Owners Rejoice!

What a fantastic day to be alive!

I came across a GREAT article recently that changed EVERYTHING…

For those of you who 'don't read to good', I'll summarize the embedded article thusly…

There are several reasons why we measure our dicks. 

On top of the THOUSANDS of penile studies conducted every week for medical purposes (and for the Out&About podcast), there is also the case of non-medical-but-sexually-active men simply needing an accurate measurement to find the right-sized condom for the right-sized member.

For years, it's been argued as to where exactly you measure from with the consensus of fellas agreeing that when it comes to putting ruler to penis, you basically measure "whatever goes in her." But this article has set the record straighter than a wedding dick, and that equals very good news for a number of people.

Forget about everything you thought you knew… Here is how to measure penis length correctly, and pay close attention to bullet #2:

1. Position a ruler or measuring tape at the base of your erect penis where it attaches to your body.
2. Press the end of the ruler into your pubic bone as far as you can, until you contact the bone. This "Bone Press Method" is especially important if there’s a lot of belly fat.
3. Measure from the base of your penis to the end of its tip.

Let's look at that #2 again… "Press the end of the ruler into your pubic bone as far as you can, until you contact the bone. This Bone Press Method is especially important if there’s a lot of belly fat."… That's the part that changes everything because we are no longer measuring "what goes inside of her." We're now measuring "what COULD go inside of her if you (or I) weren't such a fat fuck."

So if you happen to come across an article saying- "The average length of an erect penis in the US is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches," you now have a real shot at eclipsing that number, even though only the top 3 inches are visible to the naked eye.

It might be the only time in our culture (outside of a certain pop star who I cannot name photoshoot) where you're NOT negatively affected by the extra pounds you have accumulated below the belt and above the cock, AND after reading this article, I leaped from my couch like it was Christmas morning.

I waddled to the crafts drawer in the den with my pants around my ankles, pulled out a ruler, then pulled out something else, and jammed that ruler into my FUPA until I saw 3 things:

1. Stars from the pain.
2. Blood from my aggressive stabbing.
3. And a measurement that absolutely BODIED the national average.

It put a pep in my step and gave me an overwhelming urge to show everyone within eyeshot just how above-average I am.

Unfortunately, I live near a preschool, so I had to put that urge on hold until later that night and in the comfort of my own sex dungeon.

So, dear readers, as you are wallowing around your offices, homes, or sacristies mid-week… Desperate for any positive data point to get you through to Friday… Maybe the answer you seek doesn't lie within a bottle or some porn site. Instead, it lies within your craft drawer, and you're only a Bone Press away from utter contentment.

Need more convincing?… I also read 9 out of 10 doctors measure penis length with the aforementioned Bone Press Method, and it's important to note that the tenth doctor oftentimes has an enormous hog, so the added benefit of a fabricated inch or two doesn't move his (enormous and fleshy) needle.

Give it a try today and welcome to the land of the above-average…

See you in the dungeon.

Take a report.

-Large

Japanese cowboys put their snowshoes on one foot at a time…

TAR

-L