No Rico: Jessica Chastain And You Are WRONG About Her Entitled Reimbursement For A Malfunctioning In-Flight Entertainment System

Rico just blogged his support of Jessica Chastain's feud with JetBlue. I like Rico very much and sit directly facing him, so it's rare that I would take the other side of a blog he's writing. But I haven't written a blog in some time and I find myself incredibly sad today as my family's beloved home in Florida has been washed out to sea, and thus I'm looking for something lighthearted to cover. I also like Jessica Chastain, a woman who makes the case that gingers can be attractive after all. Even though the vast majority of us look like victims of some chemical reaction to chlorinated pools. 

When it comes to complaining about air travel, the line between right and wrong is as thin as the air at 35,000 feet. And so, I shall—I must—oppose Rico's take. 

Jess, your quarrel with JetBlue is utterly preposterous. I don't care that you found Bin Laden; someone was going to find him. That doesn't give you carte blanche to sewer JetBlue for seatrest entertainment system malfunctions and the inadequate reimbursement you received. 

What we know: Jessica was flying JetBlue, presumably in their "mint" (first class) seating. She says it was a six-hour flight, so she's probably flying New York to LA. That flight does suck, but I've heard that JetBlue's mint seats are pretty sweet: they used to have the food catered by Charlie Bird, which is a pretty hip restaurant in NYC that plays old school rap playlists and serves wine in Zalto glasses which are so thin that I can't even imagine how many they break in a year. Even removing them from a dishwasher is a recipe for decapitating bowl from stem. 

We also know you have a TrueBlue account. 

Now, given the entitlement that is slathered all over her DMs the the JetBlue Twitter account, you'd be forgiven for thinking a TrueBlue account is some sort of high-tiered, exclusive loyalty program reserved for extremely frequent flyers, celebrities, heads of state, etc. 

But no. It's just… JetBlue's run-of-the-mill loyalty program. The one you get by signing up with an email and a password. Akin to Delta's Skymiles, United's Mileage Plus, American's AAdvantage, etc. 

Perhaps Jessica is citing her TrueBlue membership because TrueBlue is a noteworthy loyalty program that honors its members more generously than other programs? Let's check the rankings for North American carriers:

US News and World Report - Ninth out of Ten

Conde Nast - Fifth out of Ten 

Not great, Bob! Saying I deserve a better flight credit because I'm a TrueBlue member is like thinking you get to drive the wrong way on the highway because you have a fucking EZ Pass. Maybe if you were making this complaint to Air Canada as an Aeroplan member, I could see them offering you a flight coupon to Nunavut for your troubles. That's what you expect from the #1 loyalty program in North America (according to Conde Nast). 

Accidents happen, Jessica. Electronics break. You say you paid $1500 for the in-flight entertainment system. FUCK you. You paid $1500 to be transported across the country in a plane. The meal service, the drinks, and the in-flight entertainment system are all accoutrement! They are garnishes to enrich the flight, but they are not guaranteed. If the plane picked you up where it said it would and dropped you off at your destination, the airline did its job. THAT is what you get for your $1500. Plus a more comfortable seat since you paid up for first class. 

Last thing: are we to assume Jessica didn't bring her own iPad or cue up a few episodes on her phone as a backup plan? I have the entirety of Dune 2 AND Oppenheimer downloaded on my phone for this express purpose, and I've seen them both 10 times. Why? Because I fly often and I can't rely on the in-flight systems NOT TO BREAK! I can't even remember the last time I actually watched a movie on the in-flight. I certainly never have the fucking adapter I need for my Bluetooth headphones to connect to it. And the ones they give you are from 2006 and make my ears sweat before takeoff. 

With all that said, Jessica Chastain can fly next to me any day of the week. And if her seatback screen is busted, I'll lend her my headphones for a full showing of Dune 2 while I rawdog the flight next to her. So long as her husband isn't there too. He gets nothing.