Chess Cheating Scandal 2.0: Chess Grandmaster Gets Disqualified From Spanish Championships For Using His Phone To Give Him Moves While Taking A Shit
NurPhoto. Getty Images.Chess Base -- The Spanish Team Championship, whose Honour Division is currently playing for the title in the Spanish exlave of Melilla in Africa, has been overshadowed by a suspicion of cheating. The 22-year-old Ukrainian Kirill Shevchenko, who has been playing for the Romanian Chess Federation since 2023, was excluded from the championship after two rounds. Both of his game results were cancelled.
After Shevchenko left his seat unusually often in the second round to visit the toilet, Franciso Vallejo became suspicious and complained to the referee. Every time Shevchenko returned from the toilet, he made several moves without thinking twice and then disappeared again. Amin Bassem had also complained about Shevchenko's unusual behaviour after round one.
The arbiter looked into the matter and realised that Shevchenko always disappeared into the same cubicle in the toilets and stayed there for long periods of time.
I'll tell ya what, man. These chess players don't give a fuck. You want to talk about honor and integrity? Chess players don't have an ounce. They are going to cheat their dicks off every damn time. First up we had the scandal that rocked the chess world to its core with allegations that Hans Niemann defeated World Champion Magnus Carlsen by shoving a few vibrating anal beads up his ass to give him the right moves to make on the board.
Now we have this Ukranian bloke taking 20 shit breaks during each match to head to the bathroom and get all the answers on his phone. Like even if this dude isn't guilty of cheating, there are one of three options here. Either A) this dude is shitting up a storm and completely obliterating that bathroom. 2) Buddy is addicting to cranking hog and keeps going to the bathroom to watch porn on his phone while he punches his balls into oblivion. Or D) he's cheating. No matter what option you go with, it's not looking great for ol' Kirill Shevchenko.
I used to think chess was a game for folks of a higher class and intellect. But over the past few years, I've realized it's just a game for scumbags with no honor. A bunch of assholes who try to see who can cheat their way to the top the best. It's to the point now where I don't think we can ever use the phrase "playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers" again. Because checkers is about grit and intensity. Checkers is a game for the honest, working man. Chess is just a game for the mischievously scheming elite.
If chess wants to fix their image, then they need to make everyone piss and shit their pants while playing. You either hold it in or you destroy your pants. How bad do you actually want to win? If you can't hold off on going to the bathroom before you finish up the game, then maybe you're not built for the game anyway.