Tom Brady’s First Move as Raiders Part-Owner: Recruiting Bill Belichick as Head Coach

VIVA, BITCH! Leave it to good ol' Kirk Minihane to drop the news that made Dov Kleiman's bot-like fingers fire off: "Rumors: Tom Brady’s first move as part owner of the #Raiders is to see if Bill Belichick is interested in being the head coach." You gotta love it—Barstool breaking Tom Brady news, as if it’s tradition at this point (for better or worse, if you know, you know).  

Honestly, I’m not even remotely surprised that Brady’s first move as a part-owner would be trying to bring in Bill. What’s a better power move than becoming the boss of the guy who ran you out of town? Every player dreams of becoming the boss of a coach they thought was a total dick. You just know Brady is sitting somewhere, grinning ear to ear, stroking his ego (his cock), imagining himself as Belichick’s superior.  

And let’s be real—this would be one of the most epic stories in sports. A former player turned owner becoming the boss of the coach who practically forced him out of New England? The drama, the revenge, the headlines—it’s the kind of plot twist even Hollywood couldn’t script better. I can already feel myself getting hooked on the possibility. If this actually happens, it’s going to be legendary.  

As for what it would mean for the Las Vegas Raiders moving forward, who knows? The Raiders are already a complete disaster, and does Bill even care about football anymore? He looks way happier dating someone 50 years younger, lounging back, and talking ball on TV. Why would he give that up? Everyone knows there’s nothing better than being between the legs of a woman in her mid-to-late twenties. If I’m Bill, I’d tell Tom to go fuck himself.