My Personal Fuck You To Every Knicks Fan At Barstool

Today is one of those days when I have time. There isn’t a single fanbase I despise more than the New York Knicks. I’d rather be tied to a chair, waterboarded, and forced to listen to Chicago TikTok girls talk in their baby voices until I die—that’s how much I hate the Knicks.

To be fair, my only encounters with Knicks fans are with New Yorkers who live in Florida. For anyone unfamiliar, New Yorkers in Florida are the worst form of human life. They’re loud, ignorant, cocky (for no reason), and scummy. They flex about being from New York—or worse, that their parents are from New York—despite having never lived there a day in their lives.

I’m sure if I were in New York, talking shop with a Knicks fan, we’d probably get along. But the taste these Florida-New Yorkers have left in my mouth (pause) has created a burning hatred for everything related to that team. Which is why I’m writing my personal “fuck you” to every Knicks fan in this company.

Jenks:

I hope you’re hairs in a bun so you can read this you fucking freak. All those Superman pull ups you do can save you from what’s coming tonight. If you think having your ear drum blown out from Frank every night hurts just wait until Jimmy Butler blows your back out tonight. Fuck you, Jenks.

Cheah:

You eat pussy with those glasses on? Fucking dork. Fuck you. 

Big Ev:

What’s up you pufferfish bitch. The only thing worse than your picks are your Knicks you crumb bum. I’d tell you to take a hike but we all know you won’t do that. Fuck you. 

Clem:

You’re one of my dragon guys so I got nothing except fuck you. 

Tom Leigh:

Go smoke another pack of newports you degenerate fuck. Whether it’s the Rangers, Jets, or Knicks, I own you. Fuck you. 

Klemmer:

You deserve to be on this list you fraud fuck. Mr. New York across the board except when it comes to basketball, you just happen to be Mr. Bean. Which makes you worse than every Knicks fan on this planet. Fuck you.