The Beast Was In The Building! (Or Was He?)

Christian Petersen. Getty Images.

I'd been looking forward to seeing the Mike Tyson-Jake Paul fight since it was first announced on March 7th. 

When Tyson suffered an ulcer flare-up on a flight to Los Angeles that left him hospitalized, I thought the fight scheduled for July 20th would be permanently called off, but it wasn't. The new fight date of November 15th seemed far off in the future, and I had doubts about whether or not the fight would ever take place.

When the date finally arrived, I was pumped. In all the training videos, Tyson looked every bit like the beast he was during his prime. I was beginning to think 58-year-old Tyson could put the 27-year-old YouTuber in his place. That this fight would bring respect, if not fear, into the hearts of any youngsters thinking they could roll over us older folk. I'm 68…

The event took place in Arlington, Texas, at AT&T Stadium, and of course, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and Jerry Jones were there and part of the show.

Bill Belichick is currently negotiating to be Mike McCarthy’s replacement. During negotiations, the 72-year-old Belichick added that in addition to becoming head coach in Dallas, he requested that his 24-year-old girlfriend, former Bridgewater University cheerleader Jordon Hudson, become captain of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Jerry Jones said,  “You got it!” Then the 82-year-old owner asked, “Does she have any younger sisters?” (that Jerry Jones)

The change to eight two-minute rounds and 14-ounce gloves seemed to favor the older fighter. 

When Tyson strutted his exposed buttocks in front of the camera before the fight, it appeared that the beast was in the building!

One pre-fight tweet from a well-known that was deleted said of Tyson, "A solid buttocks, nipples like cigars, knockout power. Mike is truly God's creation! God bless Iron Mike!"

Tyson looked damn good in the ring with his shorts on and his shirt off, and I waited with bated breath for the bell to ring…

It didn't take long to see that Iron Mike had become Iron-Poor Mike and that he never stood a chance against Jake Paul or the third man in the ring, Father Time…

You would've thought we all learned something when a muscled-up Jose Conseco was humiliated by our own Billy Football, but we hadn't. We still expected that the Mike Tyson we all knew and loved in the '80s and '90s, the one who brutally bit a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear off, would magically reappear. Sadly, that Mike Tyson was nowhere to be found. All he could chew on was his 14-ounce gloves…

The YouTuber had his way with Tyson and was never in any danger of being knocked out by the fighter once called the Baddest Man on the Planet.

Once you hit 55, and I speak from experience, there are only two types of men: those healthy enough to have sex and those who are not.

And just because a 55+ is healthy enough to have sex doesn't necessarily mean anyone would want to pay to see live action of it on pay-per-view.

Good for 72-year-old Bill Belichick for being healthy enough to sleep with his 24-year-old girlfriend, Jordon Hudson. But if a Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee-type sex tape leaked of those two, I'm not so sure clicking on it would be the right decision…

Getting old sucks, but it sure beats the alternative.

It's November 16th, the day after the fight, and Mike Tyson went the distance and is alive and well and counting his money, which is what this fight was always about.

Don King turned professional boxing into a money grab in the '70s, and Jake Paul has taken it to a whole new level…