The Dark Side Of Scrolling
Nadzeya Haroshka. Getty Images.I've been spending an inordinate amount of time on my phone this holiday weekend.
Chalk it up to either me avoiding family members OR me promoting merch like my job depends on it.
And all that time spent glued to a tiny screen inevitably led me to social media.
Which, in turn, inevitably led me to tits spilling out on carnival rides...
(you're welcome)
This somehow leads me to very sexy women fake-breastfeeding or not-so-sexy women actually whipping their knobs out to feed their kids...
This inevitably leads me to my (almost) last topic- Light-up buttplugs.
I swear to God, I may have clicked on these things once, and now the (butt)fucking things are ALL OVER my timeline…
I'll admit… There was a mild fascination at first…
But after much consideration, I find the whole process of a woman walking around all day with a remote control-operated steel nightlight up her ass just doesn't appeal to me anymore…
So, if anyone knows Elon, or Zuck, or Emperor Xi Jinping can you please ask one of them to tweak my algorithm away from the light-up plugs to whatever the NEXT BIG THING is?… And I believe that NEXT BIG THING is!
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AI renderings of professional wrestlers slamming bikini-clad female wrestlers onto barbed wire…
Man, I gotta get off my phone and go outside.
Take a report.
-Large