The Worst Days of the Year, Ranked

It was 16 degrees in Chicago, Ill., when I walked outside this morning to head to work after five days off. As my dick turned into a popsicle, I contemplated how many days of the year could possibly be worse than this one. Everyone just spent the better part of a week not working, enjoying feasts and watching football and college basketball around the clock. Now you're back in the office getting stuck in conversations at the water cooler with people you hate.

With that in mind, here are the official Big T Power Rankings of the worst days of the year:

1. First day back at work after New Year's

As much as today sucks, it is nothing compared to the first day back to work in January. Christmas is over, you have months of dreadful weather ahead and everything just generally sucks. Today, you have the joy of Christmas season and an even better break coming down the pike to look forward to. In January, you have nothing.

2. Day after the Super Bowl

The Monday following the Super Bowl sucks for most of the same reasons as the day after New Year's, except you've now lost football for six months, too. It's still bad weather for the foreseeable future and you're still weeks away from the joy of the NCAA Tournament. You're also going into work likely hungover and with terrible heartburn. Just an all-around shitty day that should be a federal holiday.

3. December 26

I love Christmas more than anything in the world. I love it so much that I refuse to hear one note of a Christmas song before Black Friday — as to not ruin the season with the over-saturation that has become commonplace in society — and go into a deep depression on December 26. Waking up and still seeing all the decorations up knowing it's all over and that the day at the top of this list is rapidly approaching sends me into a spiral every year.

4. Monday after Thanksgiving

There's a pretty big drop-off between Nos. 3 and 4 for me, but today is definitely on the list. Being the start of Christmas season helps quite a bit, but nobody is looking forward to getting out in the cold and going to work today.

5. April 15

The deadline to give the government half of your income by threat of imprisonment.

That's a pretty clear-cut top five in my mind. Most of the other specific days I hate are just due to adults doing silly shit — April 1 and May 4 — so those don't really rise to this level. Just make it through today and then think about all the great Christmas stuff we've got coming. Ignore the fact that the three worst days of the year are right behind that. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.