Another Burglary at an Athlete's House Might Be Solved Thanks to the SI Swimsuit Model Staying With Joe Burrow

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In case you've somehow been distracted with other things like presidential elections, assassination attempts, court cases, world wars and Moana 2, there has been a major series of events taking place in America. Namely, a series of break-ins at the homes of some of our greatest athletes. All of which appear to be connected:

And last night, while the rest of us were enjoying Cincinnati at Dallas on Monday Night Football, the latest victim of this interstate crime spree appears to have been Bengals QB Joe Burrow. The good news is there appears to be a lead on the case, thanks to the efforts of a heroic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model:

Source - Olivia Ponton -- a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model who boasts nearly eight million followers on TikTok -- was the one who reported the burglary at Joe Burrow's Ohio home to cops … this according to a police report, obtained by TMZ Sports. 

In the documents, the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office wrote Ponton called in the break-in at around 8:14 PM -- as 28-year-old Burrow was in the middle of his "Monday Night Football" clash with the Dallas Cowboys in Texas. 

Ponton, the docs state, told officers that when she pulled up to the Cincinnati-area residence, she noticed a "shattered bedroom window and the room ransacked." According to the report, Ponton phoned her mother, who then called in the matter to cops. 

Police audio reveals Olivia's mom, Diane, told dispatch on the call, "[Olivia] is wondering what she should do, if she should be hiding or if she should be going outside." Ponton herself later could be heard in a separate call adding, "Someone broke into my house … It’s like completely messed up." 

It's unclear exactly why Ponton was there … although the HCSO docs state she "is employed by Mr. Burrow." … 

22-year-old Ponton has not commented publicly on the situation -- or her relationship with Burrow, for that matter. The Bengals superstar, too, has remained mum on both issues.

Of course. Who can say why a 22 year old swimsuit model would have access to the home of a 28 year old superstar quarterback? There could be a hundred reasons. All we could really do is speculate, and that would be irresponsible. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that Burrow was fortunate to have given keys/security codes to Olivia Ponton. While she might have preferred to have been in Dallas instead of hanging back in Cincinnati waiting for Burrow, it was her promptness and eagle-eyed attention to detail that might end up cracking this caper. Police always say that the most important thing in solving any crime is timing. If the crime scene goes cold, it makes it exponentially harder for law enforcement to track down the perp. So thanks to the efforts of Burrow's intrepid swimsuit sleuth, they may just get their man. 

If nothing else, this situation confirms what we learned from watching Zoolander. Models are more than just people who are photogenic and look amazing in clothes. They can be among out best spies:

So let this be a lesson to all of us. Do whatever you can to get involved with a model. Personally and professionally. They're the ones who can keep us all safe from harm and stop evil in this world. So thanks to Olivia Ponton. Not just from Burrow, but from a grateful nation. 

Dimitrios Kambouris. Getty Images.

Gilbert Flores. Getty Images.

Cindy Ord. Getty Images.

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Monica Schipper. Getty Images.

Police, she's done her part. The rest is up to you. Your country and your athletes are depending on you.