You'll Never Believe This, But Congress Buried A 40% Pay Raise For Themselves Inside The New 1,500 Page Stopgap Bill

Washington Examiner - Lawmakers could get their first pay raise in more than a decade under a provision that was quietly tucked into the three-month continuing resolution that was unveiled Tuesday evening.

The House published its 1,500-page spending legislation alongside a multibillion-dollar supplemental just days before the government is set to enter a shutdown and federal funding will lapse. While the resolution mostly extends current government spending levels, it also includes a number of unrelated provisions that resulted from the weekslong negotiations.

Among those provisions is a pay raise for members of Congress, marking the first time they will see increased pay since 2009.

Under a law passed in 1989, lawmakers are supposed to receive an automatic cost-of-living raise every year. However, Congress has blocked those raises in recent years to avoid backlash from voters.

Lawmakers currently receive annual salaries of $174,000, which was established in the 2009 appropriations bill. Those in leadership positions receive higher pay.

If Congress had continued to implement pay raises every year, the annual salary for rank-and-file members would be $243,300 in 2024, according to a Congressional Research Service report.

Welcome to another installment of "What the Fuck is Congress Doing Now?" 

This might be the one that officially breaks me. 

I feel like Squints in the pool when Wendy shows up at the pool looking extra-fine.

"I can't take itttttttttt anymorrrrrrrre."

The latest outrage comes courtesy of a 1,500-page monstrosity of a stopgap bill that lawmakers are frantically trying to shove through to avoid a government shutdown. Somewhere buried in this legislative Frankenstein is a little surprise for all of us hardworking taxpayers: a pay raise for our beloved members of Congress. That’s right, while your wallet gets squeezed tighter and tighter, the fine folks on Capitol Hill want to give themselves a shiny 38% bump in their already fat salaries. 

These public servants, (and I use the term “servants” with the kind of sarcasm you’d reserve for a guy who steals your parking spot), already pull in a cool $174,000 a year. For context, that’s more than 90% of Americans make, according to Rep. Jared Golden, one of the few lawmakers with the guts to call this what it is: an insult. He’s promised to vote against the bill if the pay raise stays in, and honestly, he deserves a standing ovation. Hell, throw him a parade with a marching band.

The real ass-kicker? This isn’t just a one-time bonus. Under a law passed in 1989, Congress is supposed to get automatic cost-of-living raises every year. But here’s the thing- they’ve been blocking those raises for over a decade because even they know how bad it looks to reward themselves while the rest of us are out here pinching pennies. 

Now, they’re trying to sneak it back in, citing rising costs of living. Because, apparently, maintaining 2+ residences is just so hard on a measly $174K. And that's not even factoring in how much these sleazeballs rake in from all the insider trading and grift. That $174,000 is basically a base for them.

So cry me a fucking river.

And let’s not forget the timing of this. We aren't fucking stupid. They’re pulling this stunt days before a government shutdown. If the bill doesn’t pass by Friday, federal workers- you know, the people who actually keep the lights on- won’t get paid. But don’t worry, Congress’ paychecks are safe. Oh, and they’re also tossing themselves better health care perks while they’re at it. It’s like they’re trying to see just how much public outrage they can generate in one week. Spoiler alert: it’s a lot.

(Sidebar - trust me, I really wanted to blog this separately, or include it here, that speaking of federal employees, this latest stunt comes right on the hells of a really fascinating data point that came out earlier this month: the supposed Senate report that stated "only 6% of federal employees work in person." But it turned out to be exaggerated and untrue. It was actually something like 54%. But still.)

And then there's this fucking guy- 

Talk about smug assholes. That's none other than Illinois Senator Dick Durbin, who stepped up to defend this dumpster fire.

Dick says lawmakers are “hardworking, principled people” who deserve to be “adequately compensated.” 

Okay, Dick. First off, hardworking and principled? Congress has the work ethic of a middle school group project where one kid does all the work and the rest show up with excuses. 

Second, adequately compensated? When Manu Raju from CNN pressed him on whether Congress’ 19% approval rating really screams “deserving,” Durbin tried to flip the script by roasting CNN’s viewership numbers. “What about the media?” he snapped. Dick, buddy, try to deflect harder. You can't.

CNN’s ratings might be tanking, but at least they’re not trying to raise their rates for the cable companies to carry them. The man’s response was so off-the-wall 

Imagine putting up the performance that congress has this past decade and arguing, with a straight face, for a pay raise? I spent longer than I'd care to admit trying to come up with a witty metaphor for a person or group who has done a job as horribly on par with the US Congress and I can't. Maybe Boeing? The Chicago Bears? The people who built this app? I don't think any of them come close. 

They’ve spent the last decade squabbling, shutting down the government, and generally making a mess of things. And now they want us to believe they’re underpaid? Give me a fucking break. If anything, they should be taking PAY CUTS until they can prove they’re worth even half of what they’re already making.

Rep. Golden hit the nail on the head when he said that Mainers, (I love that word) and, let’s be real, Americans everywhere, can’t just wave a wand and give themselves a raise. Most of us have to earn it. Maybe Congress should try that sometime. Until then, they can keep their slimy fucking hands out of our pockets.

Here’s my suggestion- if this pay raise makes it through, every single one of us should remember it come election time. These clowns work for us, not the other way around. If they can’t live on $174K, they should find another job. I know that Walmart is hiring greeters, and I’m sure they’d love the chance to work under real performance metrics for once.

This is as out of touch as it gets. 

Hit the fuckin music. 

p.s. - I still stand by this idea.