I Can't Get Enough of Cam Newton Shaming Stephen A. Smith While Dressed as Indiana Jones

ESPN does a whole lot of things wrong. As far back as my memory goes, from that moment on I feel like they've gradually gotten worse at everything. SportsCenter is the prime example of that. But even debate shows like First Take have fallen off drastically. Stephen A. Smith vs Skip Bayless debating LeBron James was at one point appointment television. People loved it so much that ESPN decided they would have that debate every day on every show for the next 5 years until nobody could fucking stand it any more and Skip left for Fox Sports. Even guys like Pat McAfee. The minute Pat McAfee goes to ESPN, his show gets a little bit worse. I watched an old College Gameday on YouTube the other day (Bowling Green vs Northern Illinois, 2003). Maybe it was just the nostalgia, or the fact that it was in my hometown, but I thought it was a vastly superior product than what they put out today. Pretty much everything at ESPN is at minimum a slightly worse version of what it used to be. Except for Scott Van Pelt (required disclaimer at Barstool Sports when criticizing ESPN). 

I have a feeling I might be the only person who finds this especially funny. But whoever had the idea, whether it was intentional or not, to hire an ulta-arrogant ex-quarterback who dresses strictly in halloween costumes to talk down to equally arrogant talking heads who sit behind a desk and think they know everything about everything. Good job ESPN. I'm a huge fan. Whether Cam Newton is right or wrong about whatever he's talking about doesn't matter in the slightest. Forcing guys like Stephen A. Smith, who takes debating sports so so so seriously, to have straight faced conversations with a character from Alice in Wonderland who's lecturing him about the manner in which is speaks on the game. It's almost cruel. 

I picture Cam Newton as the type of ex-player who seems to operate under the assumption that he knows ball better than any person who didn't play the sport. I don't know if Cam Newton actually thinks that, but that's the vibe I get when I watch him. It has to be infuriating for Stephen A. Smith. Because he really has no rebuttal to that. It's the #1 thing that Cam Newton can hang his hilarious hat on. No matter how much someone who's been covering sports for 30 years may talk circles around him, they'll never get the satisfaction of making Cam Newton feel like he's wrong. Because Cam Newton actually played the game. It's one thing to dominate somebody in a debate and have the entire world know it. But when you know deep down that the person you're arguing with doesn't feel like you bested him. And that you'll never be able to convince him no matter what. It's just not quite as sweet. 

Again, I'm projecting a lot of things on both Cam Newton here. I mostly just love the idea of First Take preparing for a show and being like, "Alright Stephen A., for this segment you'll be debating Russell Wilson & Lamar Jackson. You and Chris Canty will get 2 minutes each. Then the Rastafiaran Monopoly man will Skype in to tell you how fucking stupid you are."

I hope ESPN strictly uses Cam Newton in that manner. As a surprise guest to shame analysts. If you're reading this ESPN, here's a free content idea for you. Just have Cam Newton sit in front of his computer watching ESPN all day long with a big red button that lets him join any show, any time he pleases to chastize analysts for their opinions while dressed as black Wizard of Oz

Brett Farmer. Shutterstock Images.

Like the flamboyant grim reaper of sports takes. The taller Cam Newton's hat is that day, the more fucked you are. Imagine Paul Finebaum thinks he's cooking with a take about Auburn football, then all of the sudden this guy pops up on his monitor in a Heisman Trophy cowboy hat.

I love it. I have no idea how anybody at ESPN actually feels about Cam Newton. I'd imagine they probably respect him as an analyst. But in Cam Newton in his magnificent outfits and hats so big it gives the camera man fits, juxtaposed with analysts who take their jobs way too seriously. It makes me laugh every time. I know this isn't his goal, but I wish it were Cam Newton's goal to make a mockery out of the entire industry. To just see how far he can take it until someone finally speaks up and says, "Are we fucking serious guys? We're just going to pretend Cam Newton isn't in full Big Bird costume right now?"

I hope it gets to that point. I hope someday Mel Kiper Jr. is forced to sit there on live TV as Big Bird rips his latest mock draft to shreds. Keep pushing the envelope, Cam. Maybe one day Skype in from a hot air balloon. Idk that's just an idea. Just keep on doing your thing. You've got at least one really big fan in me.