The Only Reason Your Tuesday Doesn’t Suck: Champions League

Samir’s Guide to Champions League Qualifying (Leg 2)

1-CL2

Hi haters,

Today is Tuesday meaning your buzz from the weekend is now 100% gone and yet the Friday night light at the end of the tunnel is still disgustingly far away. That leaves you with several options to pass the time:

1) Work – but fuck that
2) Surf the internets looking for ridiculous transfer rumors that are popping up left and right now that the window is starting to swing shut

Hahahahaha. No.

Hahahahaha. No.

3) Watch Champions League

I trust you will make the right decision.

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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE QUALIFYING

As a quick reminder of where things stand, this is the final round of qualifying before the final list of 32 clubs will get placed into the eight foursomes that make up the group stage. The results from first games of each home-and-home fixture looked like this (with clubs from the big boy leagues – plus Celtic because the Scottish giants/European pipsqueaks hold a special place in my heart – highlighted):

3-CLresults

The schedule for the returns legs are:

4-CLschedule

I’ll be back tomorrow with a little more in-depth preview for the Brugge/United and Bayer/Lazio games, but here’s a very quick and very dirty rundown of what to expect from today’s return legs…

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Monaco (+120)
Valencia (+230)
Draw (+240)

WANKER #neverforget

WANKER #neverforget

Monaco was four little minutes away from heading back home down only 2-1 but, alas, conceded once more to give themselves that much more of a mountain to climb. The French side has been in solid form so far this season (3 wins and 2 draws in addition to the loss to Valencia), whereas the Spanish club has only played a single official game (0-0 draw vs Rayo Vallecano this weekend) so far this season.

Valencia’s loss of Nicolas Otamendi to City will hurt, particularly since Monaco will have to go for it today to try and make up the two-goal difference. Shot in the dark prediction: insertion of ex-AC Milan striker of Stephan El Shaarawy pays dividends as Monaco wins 2-1 – but, alas, it’s not enough to advance.

No Porcupine No Party

No Porcupine No Party

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Malmo (+180)
Celtic (+150)
Draw (+250)

The importance of this game for both clubs cannot be overstated as the winner is in line for an estimated £20 million — $31.5 million for those afraid of math (me included) – payday for making the Champions League group stage. This is HUGE for clubs of this size. How huge? Celtic spent only £4.3 million on transfers during the 2014-15 season, and while Malmo apparently hasn’t disclosed that information it’s safe to assume the Swedish club probably spent even less.

In the first leg, Celtic took a commanding 2-0 lead right out of the gate and later went ahead 3-1 but gave away an injury time goal that could turn out to be a massive turning point. Malmo will also benefit from the return of several players back from injury/suspension, including top scorer Markus Rosenberg. I’m going with my heart and saying Celtic, which is going to try and make this the slowest, ugliest 90 minutes of soccer ever played, will manage to scrounge out an ugly 1-1 draw and advance. (I’ll be perfectly honest and say that my head absolutely haaaaaaaaaaaaates this pick, but betting with your head is for nerds.)

7-celtic

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So there you have it, a handy dandy little guide to help you survive Tuesday. I’ll be back tomorrow with a little more in-depth look at tomorrow’s games.

One for the road

One for the road


Holler,
Sam U.L. Army