Dumping Them Out: NFL Playoffs FMK

Welcome back to a special TikTok Ban NFL Playoffs Presidential Inauguration/Martin Luther King Junior Day Eve's episode of Dumping Them Out. Big week for the government. Big week for China. Big week for opinions. Regular week for Boob GIF's.

First things first - Taylor Swift, Caitlin Clark, and The Rizzler were at the Chiefs vs Texans playoff game yesterday afternoon. 

Naturally that calls for a game of fuck, marry, kill. You gotta kill The Rizzler right off the bat. The implications of picking anything else make that a no brainer. I'll go ahead and marry Taylor Swift, because she has the most money. NFL fans will rejoice as Taylor would leave Travis Kelce, and innocent sports watchers would no longer be assaulted by images of an international superstar when they're trying to listen to Troy Aikman wax poetically on Patrick Mahomes ability to improvise in the face of pressure. I would have one-time consensual sex with Caitlin Clark. 

I was thinking about Taylor Swift's box yesterday. It's directly above section 119. Meaning the fans who sit in the very top row of 119, which would be row 38, will potentially sit just feet away from Taylor Swift. They could literally turn around and high five her. There must be rich Swifties out there (or rich parents of Swifties) who would pay $10,000 to sit that close to Taylor Swift. As crazy as that fan base is there has to be. Right now on Gametime there aren't any seats up top in that specific section available. But on Gametime, for next weekends AFC Championship Game, the most expensive seat in the entire lower bowl is Section 118, Row 37.

Not that somebody is necessarily going to buy it at that price. But if you happen to be holding a Section 119, Row 38 ticket... if you can get the word out to all of Swiftie nation that you can spend a good 3 hours roughly 10 feet away from Taylor Swift... even if it's only a maybe. You gotta kick the tires on that. There's someone out there who's ripe for a fleecing.

I'm watching this Eagles vs Rams game right now. I really do love watching snow football. I think it's a fun change of pace. I don't personally care too much about the sanctity of the sport. But if you do care about the sanctity of the sport... that game was objectively ridiculous right? It's like watching football in slow motion. Like they're playing a different sport. Every play is chaos. Nobody can stay on their feet. It wild the NFL allows the most critical games of the season to be played in these conditions. 

It's funny how the best players in the world can't help themselves from flopping. Patrick Mahomes got ripped for doing yesterday along the sidelines. 

People immediately said, "Tom Brady would never!", and then were quickly hit with a video of Tom Brady doing the same thing. 

LeBron James is the biggest culprit out of anyone. I just think when it comes down to it, when insanely competitive people are in the moment, their body naturally flops because their instincts tell them to do whatever gives them a better chance to win. If there's no threat of repercussions, it's objectively a smart thing to do. The only possible outcome for Mahomes there is the Chiefs get 15 additional yards. If leagues aren't going to actively punish flopping, it's hard for me to blame them. It's not an honorable thing to do. But if they're paying you to win a football game… if I'm a fan who wants my team to win by any means necessary… I  can't be mad at my quarterback for it. 

I feel like I may have written this exact same paragraph in a Dumping Them Out before, but yesterday in the Lions vs Commanders game, the Lions were bailed out by a phantom face mask call. 

How on earth is a call as black and white as a facemask not reviewable? I know penalties aren't reviewable, but you'd think common sense would take over at some point. Missed facemask calls have been happening for years, and every time the refs get roasted for missing them. They're so easy to define. With replay you can objectively determine yes or no on a facemask in 10 seconds. Crazy that rule hasn't been changed yet. If that play had sparked a Lions comeback, I bet the NFL changes it going into next season. Since it didn't, it'll probably be forgotten and we'll just keep letting huge 15-yard penalties be called/not called, despite knowing full well it was incorrect.

One more thing. The other day I was thinking about a New York City fireman who wakes up the morning of 9/11 with an enormous zit on his face, and when the planes hit the towers he says, "This is a disaster", as he looks in a mirror and realizes he's about to be in a heroic photo that will live on forever with an embarrassing pimple.