F-Bombs and 'Bama Fan Grudges: America Proves That Live TV News and Inauguration Day Don't Mix

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According to my calculations, I've been cognitive human being through about 23 Presidential Inaugurations. Which is not to say I remember any of them. They're basically The Academy Awards of American politics. They're overly long, are taken too seriously, and unless something goes horribly and hilariously wrong, are forgotten as soon as they're over. 

Then again, there's never been one like this. A past and current President who's also a past and current Reality TV star, approaching it like it's an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, with the parts of Gary Busey, Gene Simmons, Gilbert Gottfried (RIP) and whichever Baldwin brother played by the most powerful, influential people in the country. Mark Zuckerberg sneaking peaks at Jeff Bezo's wife's cosmetic surgeon's handiwork:

Dana White giving sideeye to the two former Presidents like he's considering booking them into the Octagon:

Elon Musk doing whatever this gesture is:

The star of the show ad-libbing a line where he basically called the crowd assembled in the rotunda old and ugly:

All in all, it was like that one Oscars where they let David Letterman host, because he did Stupid Human Tricks and that surreal "Oprah, Uma" joke and said the foreign film Eat, Drink, Man, Woman was about the first time Arnold Schwarzenegger asked Maria Shriver out on a date. Memorable specifically because it wasn't about reverent, worshipful asskissing. It was a show. In every respect. 

With that tone set by the lead guy, it was only to be expected that the bizarre nature of the proceedings would spill over into the live news coverage. And the American people did not disappoint. 

Live news will never, ever go to an 8-second delay, despite the fact it's been a staple of terrestrial radio since the days of Marconi. It's too competitive an industry. The journos need to be first, even if it means letting an occasional FCC violation slip through. But you'd figure they'd at least have learned their lesson when it comes to putting a mic in front of drunks in a bar packed with people celebrating. Whether it's a football game, an NBA Finals, or an inaugural. Just ask the Fox reporter who asked for a comment from a Marine sporting a MAGA hat, a 1776 shirt, and probably a 1.2 blood alcohol level:

Or in the polar opposite of that mood, even C-SPAN couldn't open their phone lines without getting trolled. Like all of you, I don't spend two seconds a decade on this channel. But I assume their average caller is a PhD with deep thoughts to share on marginal tax rates or the effects of tariffs on international trade agreements. But this time, it was a viewer bringing up the much more relatable, hot button topic that is the College Football Playoff Selection Committee, and the grave injustice they committed:

Since Notre Dame is in the Championship Game tonight, I beg to differ. But I do respect the passion. Like he said, these are dark times in many ways. But if Americans are free to see Joe Rogan rubbing elbows with the Clintons and Conor McGregor grabassing with the Paul brothers:

… right next to Joe and Jill Biden, there might be a new day dawning after all. As long as we're free to say "Let's fucking go!" on cable news and bitch about Alabama football while history is unfolding before our eyes, the US of A is not dead yet.