Dave Portnoy Ignoring Big Ev's FaceTime Call is The Softest Shit I have Seen in My Life

Good old Mr. Shtick is at it again! Dave, the undisputed master of bits, never fails to entertain. Most of the time, I genuinely enjoy his antics—they’re sharp, witty, and often hilarious. However, his latest bit of ducking smoke every time his rivals win is just pathetic. It’s especially laughable considering how merciless he is when Michigan beats Ohio State. Every single time, he goes all-in, trashing Big Ev and Buckeye Brandon with unmatched glee. Prancing around in his little cape and crown like the boy from where the wild things are. He’s the first to celebrate, rubbing salt in their wounds and kicking them when they’re down. But when the tables turn, Dave suddenly vanishes like a ghost, tail tucked firmly between his legs.

Take this latest episode, for instance. Ohio's Tate is apparently “not one of his Ohio State guys.” Really, Dave? That’s a strange claim to make when Tate churns out more Ohio State content than anyone else in the company. But okay, I’ll grant him that one. Ignoring Big Ev, though? That’s where it becomes indefensible. After spending four years dancing on this man’s grave, Dave can’t even muster the courage to answer a FaceTime call? Where’s the bravado, the fearless leader we’ve come to expect? It’s a bad look, Dave. You’re better than this.

Don’t even try telling us you were “sleeping.” We all know the truth: you were probably sitting cross-legged in your yoga pose, glued to the TV, desperately hoping Ohio State would blow that 31-7 lead. The idea of you praying for a collapse is almost comical, and yet, so believable. You’re not fooling anyone.

What’s truly disappointing is how unsurprising this behavior has become. It’s no longer shocking when Dave retreats into hiding. The man who prides himself on being the face of unapologetic sports banter somehow shrinks when the heat’s turned up on him. The inconsistency is frustrating, especially coming from someone who dishes it out so freely.

We expect more from our fearless leader—the one who never backs down, no matter the circumstances. Own the losses, Dave, just like you own the wins. After all, isn’t that what makes the rivalry fun? A bit of humility would go a long way in keeping the spirit of the game alive.