Criminal Masterminds are Charged With Robbing Joe Burrow's House After They're Allegedly Caught With Joe Burrow's Bengals and LSU Gear

Andy Lyons. Getty Images.

Let this be a lesson to us all. Each and every one of us is potentially a victim of crime. Rich or poor. No matter where you live. Regardless of how vigilant you are. No one is truly safe. As Kevin Costner's John Dutton put it in Yellowstone, “It's the one constant in life. You build something worth having, someone's gonna try and take it." 

So my advice to you is that if you can't afford a home security system or even a doorbell camera, try to invest in swimsuit model you trust to keep an eye on your stuff, the way Joe Burrow did:

Sure, Olivia Ponton couldn't prevent Burrow's house from being robbed. But she did the next best thing, which is find the crime scene and alert the police before the trail went cold. Like they say in every cop drama those first 24 hours are critical when it comes to catching the perp. And thanks to Olivia's swift actions, the police have made four arrests. And while this is still very much in the "allegedly/reportedly/accused of" portion of the proceedings, there are a few clues linking the suspects to the crime. Ones that will be tough to explain to a jury:

Source - Four Chilean men have been arrested in connection with a string of burglaries that includes the home of Cincinnati Bengals star quarterback Joe Burrow. 

The four suspects were arrested following "an ongoing investigation involving burglaries of multimillion-dollar homes in multiple states," according to WLWT-TV, citing court documents.

Sergio Cabello, Bastian Morales, Jordan Sanchez and Alexander Chavez were arrested in Clark County after being pulled over by Ohio State Highway Patrol. …

"All four males were identified as being illegally in the country or overstaying their permissions," the arrest report read, as all the men provided fake IDs. 

In terms of Burrow, the court documents added that authorities found "an old LSU shirt and Bengals hat, believed to be stolen [from Burrow's home]. 

The search of the vehicle the suspects were in also discovered "two Husky automatic center punch tools wrapped in a cloth towel." The tool has been used by the South American Theft Group, according to authorities. …

Burrow’s home was burglarized while he was in Dallas facing the Cowboys on "Monday Night Football" on Dec. 9. Police were called to Burrow’s home by Olivia Ponton, a model and social media influencer who was identified as Burrow’s employee in the incident report. 

Ponton and her mother, Diane Ponton, called 911 as the former was at the home while it was being broken into. 

A couple of things. First you might argue that I'm wrong about Olivia's quick response helping to crack this caper. That this might have just been a random traffic stop and if she hadn't even been Burrow's "employee," crashing at his house with her mom or never dialed 911, the four accused would still have been caught. I reject your argument on the premise that it's never a bad idea to have a model and social media influencer stay at your place, just as a precaution.

John Nacion. Getty Images.

Dimitrios Kambouris. Getty Images.

Cindy Ord. Getty Images.

Second, if you're going to (allegedly) burglarize a house - and you should not - don't choose the home of one of the biggest athletic heroes in that state. At the time of the break-in, Burrow was off in Dallas trying to beat the Cowboys on Monday Night Football. And the Ohio State Highway Patrol are going to take that situation more seriously than the Gardner Museum Heist. They need their QB laser focused on making the playoffs, not worried about his personal belongings. And will leave no stone unturned to bring the perps to justice. 

Another big takeaway is that if - according to police - you're running with the South American Theft Group, you don't want to be caught using the tools of the South American Theft Group. As a matter of fact, even calling yourself the South American Theft Group is a bad idea. That's a dead giveaway every time it's tried. You might want to consider rebranding yourself as something way less suspicious. "Decent, Law Abiding Citizens Not Doing Anything the Least Bit Illegal Group," for example. Anything to throw law enforcement off your trail.

But more than anything though, if you're going to steal (supposedly) merchandise belonging to a guy who plays for Cincinnati and won a national title at LSU, you need to get rid of the Bengals and Tigers stuff right away. Sell it immediately. Even if it's for 10 cents on the dollar. Let the sucker who bought it off you get caught with it, and don't leave a trail the police can follow when they force him to talk. That's Fencing Stolen Goods 101. I thought every (possible) criminal knew that.

This kind of rookie, amateur hour stuff is the sort of thing that gives the South American Theft Group a bad name. It reminds me of the time when ABA and NBA legend Marvin "Bad News" Barnes was growing up in Providence. He and the crowd he ran with tried to rob a bus. And the way he was identified was by the Central High School Basketball jacket he was wearing. The one that had his name embroidered on the sleeve. Again, dead giveaway. 

Let's just hope the theft rings in this country don't get any smarter. And our model/influencers keep doing their part to protect our lives and property.

Gotham. Getty Images.