THAT'S ENOUGH INTERNET FOR TODAY- Anal Maces

MikeyGen73. Getty Images.

Every now and again, I catch myself hunched over my phone with the posture of a fucking jumbo shrimp as I am furiously 'doom-scrolling' until I find something so odd that it makes me question the future of this world.

Typically, the posts that stop me dead in my tracks are sexual in nature, and sometimes they are not sexual at all. But no matter what they are, they are always weird enough to make me wonder- Why the fuck does this even exist?

Here is today's.

I am a weapons enthusiast.

As a kid, I would save up money for my semi-annual trip to Ceasar's Bay Bazaar to purchase a new rope chain and whatever edged weapons the vendors would sell to a chubby 12-year-old with a bowl haircut. 

If you were to visit my childhood bedroom, I had drawers filled with stilettos, Chinese stars, Rambo survival knives, samurai swords, and anything else that I thought looked cool.

As an adult, I still buy the occasional pocket knife and my browsing habits have resulted in weapon posts being a huge part of my social media algorithm, alongside recipes and redheads with huge tits…

So it stands to reason that any new products in the weapon realm would eventually make their way to my timeline, but it makes no sense that these fucking things exist…

Not only do they exist, but they are selling like hotcakes!

Personally, I never understood buttplugs.

I also have never used one (as far as you know), but I have held back many gigantic logs of shit during road trips. And even though those instances of having something lodged in my lower rectum have made me emotional, not one of those emotions was ever sexual.

So having something barely pushed into your asshole has never floated my own boat, and catching the image of yourself in a full-length mirror wearing nothing but a spiked metal ball attached to a chain that disappears into your asshole has got to be an all-time low for anyone…

And if you search the rest of this artist's page, you'll see he's also not shy about creating other things to shove up your ass made out of Christian symbols because it's apparently okay to only make fun of my Lord and Savior publicly…

All of this shit is enough to have me shut down my computer because I've truly had enough of the internet for today.

Take a report.

-Large

As a palate cleanser, here's a wholesome video of me eating lamb neck…

And as a self-proclaimed "weapons enthusiast", I need to clear one thing up… I used the word anal 'mace' in the title, but these are actually anal 'flails' because a flail is any weapon consisting of a striking head (in this case a spiked ball) attached to a handle (the buttplug) by a flexible rope, strap, or chain (in this case a chain that will inevitably smell like shit).

I only used the word mace in the title because I thought it would be more recognizable to casuals.

TAR

-L