While Other NFL Coaching Hires are in States of Chaos, Let's Appreciate How the Patriots are Have Been Crushing It

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I believe it was Voltaire who said, "I ask God for but one wish, and it is that my enemies be absurd." Personally, I also ask for a head coach who's competent, experienced, universally respected and a proven winner. And I have that. So I'll turn my attention to the first wish, and be grateful that so many of our enemies are wallowing in absurdity of their own making.

In Dallas:

Tampa:

New York, where they got the man they wanted but have no idea what the quarterback situation will be:

Las Vegas, where they just pulled a 74-year-old out of retirement:

So with that, it's important that the good people of New England pause, take a good look around at the chaos other fanbases are being subjected to, and thank the Almighty that this year, we've been spared. That our beneficent Creator has given us a bountiful harvest of coaches. Beginning with Mike Vrabel of course. But continuing with the staff of special people he has been assembling like a two-eyed Nick Fury. Several of whom have head coaching experience in the league:

Josh McDaniels, Offensive Coordinator. I've already written extensively about this hire. And for good reason. You couldn't genetically engineer a more perfect candidate to mentor, develop and scheme for Drake Maye. A man who has gotten the best years out of a vast array of quarterbacks, from Alpha Tom Brady to Omega Mac Jones, with Betas like Jimmy Garropolo and Jacoby Brissett in between. Who has designed offenses around QBs with skillsets as diverse as Cam Newton's and Derek Carr's. Who in his last season in Foxboro had an offense run by a rookie Mac Jones sixth in the league in points. By way of perspective, since he left they've finished 17th, 31st and 30th. And to repeat the obvious, no matter how successful he is with Maye, no one's going to hire him away as their head coach. That ship has sailed and is not returning to port.

Terrell Williams, Defensive Coordinator. More of an unknown factor since this is his first time in the position, Williams has the all the benefit of any doubts due to the fact he was on Vrabel's staff in Tennessee, was named his Assistant Head Coach, and was handed the playsheet and headset as Head Coach for a preseason game. He's got the respect of everyone he worked with in Detroit. And seems to have exactly the philosophy this defense needs after dropping from eighth best in the league in 2023 to 22nd last year. A year in which the previous head coach called his team "soft." 

John Streicher, Ernie Adams' Job, whatever you call it. The only reason I'm disappointed Streicher already comes with a ready made nickname, for obvious reasons:

… is that it's going to make it harder to awkwardly shoehorn in references to Ted Striker from Airplane! into every Knee Jerk Reactions column. Oh well. Them's the breaks of the blogging game. But again, here's another hire Vrabel has vast experience working with. As has one of the best head coaches in football, who didn't give up his services willingly:

When you can poach your assistants from a playoff team with a Super Bowl champion coach and get him to come to a 4-13 team in a rebuild, that has to be because you've got a special relationship with the man. This is again a reminder of the dangers of promoting someone to Head Coach who hasn't been around the league, and doesn't have a ton of names in his phone's Contacts list.

Doug Marrone, Offensive Line (probably). More than any other position on the coaching staff, this one has been the hardest to fill. Dante Scarnecchia has proven to be to the Patriots what David Lee Roth was to Van Halen. They've carried on without him, but it's never been the same. Marrone has, of course, been a Head Coach for almost 100 NFL games with two teams. He's been the OC for the No. 1 offense in the league twice. And more germane to this discussion, he's twice had the No. 1 rushing attack, once with Buffalo and again in Jacksonville. At 60 years old and with over 30 years of coaching on his resume, he  understands exactly what it takes to put together a top O-line:

Just as importantly, he's a man who can appreciate fatty, processed, sodium-enriched deli meats:

I can promise you all the days of two, three, and sometimes even four False Start penalties a game are over in Foxboro.

Ashton Grant, Quarterbacks. The hiring of Grant represents another benefit of Vrabel spending last season underemployed, kicking around Cleveland looking to help out in any way possible. So unlike Jerod Mayo having to hired Alex Van Pelt after interviewing a dozen candidates and TC McCartney as QB Coach because Van Pelt recommended him, Vrabel knows this guy because he worked alongside him for a season.

Grant wore different hats in Cleveland, with vaguely defined titles like "Assistant" and "Quality Control" before taking over as QB Coach in a season where the Browns had four different starters, none of them especially good. Unless you count that game at Denver in which Jameis Winston threw for six touchdowns, which I don't because two of them were scored by Broncos. But still, that's a decent amount of experience for a young guy working his way up the coaching ladder. And Vrabel trusts him to work well under McDaniels, which should work for all of us.

Thomas Brown, Tight Ends/Passing Game Coordinator. Brown went 1-4 after being given a battlefield promotion in Chicago:

He's been the Passing Game Coordinator on the 2024 Bears and OC on the 2023 Panthers, two teams which share the distinction of being 32nd in the league in yards. Which is not ideal. But as Tight Ends Coach, he got career highs out of Cole Kmet in passer rating when targeted with 119.2, success rate with 70.9%, and catch rate, with 85.5%. The Bears offense had a million problems, but Brown's tight end group wasn't among them. And Hunter Henry and Austin Hooper should benefit. 

Jeremy Springer, Special Teams. Oftentimes, the best change is the one you don't make. Under Springer's guidance, the Pats special teams went from 20th in the league in Pro Football Focus grade in 2023 to No. 2. He turned Brendan Schooler into a Pro Bowler. And, if nothing else, he gave a masterclass in how to respond when a fanbase's frustration boils over and they let you know they're tired of watching one of the worst teams in the league:

I would've hated it if Vrabel made a change just for the sake of change. If it ain't broke, and all that. 

All in all, this is a hell of a way to put a staff together. One of the many benefits of Mr. Kraft not dicking around and making the swift yet painful decision to cut ties with Mayo the minute the season ended. Unlike what's been playing out around the league, we're already benefiting from it. Prayers are being answered.