Was Billy Joel's "Piano Man" Actually Performing In A Gay Bar Without Knowing It?

This theory started making the rounds this past fall. This has been sitting in my drafts, and we just posted that Billy Joel interview on the Backstage social accounts so on a slow Friday, it's perfect timing. 

Billy Joel's “Piano Man” is the ultimate bar singalong. 

It’s got that waltz-like timing that basically begs you to sway in a huddle with your best friends, sloshing your beer onto your shoes and belting out, “Sing us a song!” 

But now, there’s a fan theory swirling around that the regulars in the bar are all gay. 

I, for one, absolutely love this idea of Billy Joel standing on a tiny makeshift stage in the ‘70s, blissfully unaware that he’s the only straight dude in the building.

Here's the gist- 

They toss a few bucks (“bread”) into Billy’s jar, then look at him with an air of “Pal, how’d you end up in this place with us?”

Honestly, the comedic timing is perfect: the “piano man” is too busy pounding those keys (easy now) and trying to remember all nine million verses to notice the rainbow flags literally flapping around him. Total innocence- like when your friend from the suburbs ends up at a dance club called The Toolbox and has no idea why everyone keeps winking at him. 

Think about the folks in the crowd -

John at the Bar-  He’s handing out free drinks like it’s Mardi Gras and complaining about how he could be the next Ryan Reynolds if he could only hightail it out of this joint. Whether or not John’s got a crush on Billy (maybe topping off that whiskey with a little extra love) is open to interpretation. But hey, he “gets me my drinks for free,” so no complaints here, right?

Paul, the Real Estate Novelist- The line “who never had time for a wife” now has half the internet going (muah chef's kiss) “Of course he didn’t, he’s gay.” Meanwhile, Billy has come out saying he intended Paul to be too busy chasing his Great American Novel. But you can’t help but wonder if Paul is simply too busy chasing something (or someone) else. And let’s be real, “real estate novelist” is a highly suspicious gig to begin with. That’s not exactly a 9-to-5 job, folks. That's something you tell somebody you're hitting on when you get caught off guard and don't want to say "I'm between jobs".

Davy in the Navy- Billy might have been referencing a decades-old military stereotype. And as the famous saying goes, "any port in a storm", so if Davy’s looking for a port in the storm, perhaps it’s the same place Paul’s docking, if you catch my drift. The 1970s were a wild, glitzy, disco-ball of a time; anything was possible, especially on a Saturday night at a place that’s gotta have an epic drag show on Tuesdays.

By the end of the song, Billy croons: “He knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see.” If you imagine all these patrons eyeing Billy up and down like he’s a piece of fresh meat, then, that line takes on a whole new color. The reluctant superstar at the keyboard is the bar’s hottie-of-the-hour, but he’s too straight (and delusional) to realize it.

And you gotta love that the big rhetorical question is, “Man, what are you doin’ here?” 

Now, a straightforward reading says they’re telling Billy, “Dude, you’re too talented for this dive.” But let’s face it, this theory has real legs, and there's no other way to interpret this than as, “Hey, clueless straight boy, you do realize everyone here wants to take you to pound town, right?”