Love Hurts Is A Truly Horrible Movie

Love Hurts is if A History Of Violence had a lobotomy. It's a movie so painfully stupid that even though it seems self-aware enough to know how dumb it is, it still can't be saved. It has an 82 minute run time (I can't think of a feature film that's not for kids that was shorter) yet is incessantly repetitive.

It's a movie so bad that Ke Huy Quan isn't likable. He spends half the movie telling us how much he loves being a realtor. The other half, we're supposed to believe he's a former murderer. This also has Arianna DeBose in what might be a career killing performance. She's right there with Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Radio as some of the worst work by any Oscar winner. She spends large portions of this not so much acting, but mugging for the camera. It's bizarre.

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Sean Astin co-stars in the movie which led to a nice Goonies reunion with Quan and Astin. But then I was just bummed out that I was watching this piece of shit and not Goonies. The way Astin's real estate manager character gets resolved is so ridiculous and unnecessary. But then again, nothing in this movie is necessary.

This wants us to believe Quan and DeBose could be a couple. I have to believe the reason Love Hurts was so short is that the original script had them in more romantic scenes that had to be cut due to being totally improbable. It's also impossible to buy Quan as a reformed killer. They put a mustache on him for the flashback scenes but it's still Ke Huy Quan. His greatest strength is how kind he appears on screen. He's not a good enough actor to appear menacing.

The only positive thing I can say about this movie is that the fight scenes were well choreographed. This was directed by Jonathan Eusebio who is a former stuntman helming his first movie. I guess Quan is also a black belt trained martial artist and was excited to do some of his own stunts. But who are we fooling? If you have a movie with two Oscar winners and the best actor is Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch, you're probably in trouble.

Love Hurts: D-

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