"Resort Fees" At Hotels Are The Biggest Rip Offs In The World
I'm not the kind of person who usually bitches about the price of things, unless it's deceptive or something like a bait and switch.
If I learned anything from Mr. Lane forcing us to read Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations at St. John's, it's that we live in a country that believes in free market economics. And as adults with developed brains, one should realize that we always have the choice on how and where to spend our money. Nobody has a gun to our heads. If something sucks, or "not worth it", don't go back or give them another dime. The market will dictate their success, and there's more than enough other options. (Unless of course we're talking about government mandated taxes and fines, or utility monopolies- then you have no choice and have to pay what you're told but that's a whole different blog for another day)
But at the risk of sounding cheap, I think I've reached my breaking point.
And the straw that broke the camel's back is this bullshit inventive way for hotels to price gouge us called "resort fees".
What the hell is a resort fee you ask?
It's a totally made-up charge that a hotel slaps you with to use things that either:
1- you would never fucking use in a zillion years
or
2- are basic amenities that used to be included with your regular stay, but now they found a way to charge you for them.
As the tweet above illustrates, Las Vegas is KING of this bullshit.
And it hasn't always been this way, but it is the norm there now. Which is why it's so frustrating.
It's basically the equivalent to the nickel and dime bullshit that the bargain bin airlines pull when you book a flight. Oh you wanted to fly with a carry on? That will be an extra $50. What? You have a suitcase too? Well why didn't you say so? That's another $100. Oh, you want a seat that your legs actually bend in front of? $75.
The mini-bar has always existed and submitted those of us who come home a little too tuned-up and starving, preying upon our weakness and ability to justify dropping $25 for a bag of cashews.
But this is different. And it's becoming rampant across the industry.
Take for instance this little card I found in my room key enevelope this morning in Miami.
I did a little investigating - (stopped by the front desk, apologized for being a pain in the dick because of perpetual Catholic guilt - and asked the nice and innocent receptionist how much the "Urban Fee" was)- and it turns out its $35/night. Not a shit ton of money by any means, but extrapolated out over a week long stay, that's an extra $245 bucks. In this economy, that's a lot of fucking money, for absolutely nothing. (Thanks Obama).
Let's break down what this $35 per night gets you -
Hi Speed Wifi - I got in wicked late after an all day delay at Ohare yesterday, so I passed out as soon as I got to my room and didn't really get to test the wifi out. But I heard from a friend who was trying to stream Pornhub here, that the wifi was not hi-speed. Whatsoever. Very frustrating when trying to stream. Even more annoying when you're getting fake charged for it.
(Sidebar- did you know that in Florida when you go to a porn site it requires you to authenticate your age? You have to upload a picture of your license or link to an account that proves you're over 18. Again, according to my friend. Kind of hate it but also kind of like it. Porn is way too accessible nowadays. And everything is in play. Back in my day, I used to have to hike uphill both ways and sit outside a convenience store and bribe a homeless man to buy us a Playboy magazine. These kids today can watch a chick get rammed six ways to Sunday on-demand. I'm no Quaker but that's not a good thing.)
Access to Museum of Graffiti - Spare me this nonsense. Just tell me you're fucking me.
Access to Rooftop Pool and Bar - I am working around the clock so I don't have time for either of these, but let's say that when I booked this hotel, the rooftop pool was a major part of the reason I was attracted and wanted to stay here. Isn't that part of the overall hotel's allure and built into the price? No? Ok just go back to fucking me in the ass, I'll shut up.
Wellness classes and 24/7 use of the Fitness Center - Wellness classes? What the fuck is that and why are you forcing them on me? Are you calling me fat? Am I triggered? Do I need to hire that slimeball representing that lady in Detroit that's suing Lyft?
Alo Moves on-demand- The only thing I know Alo for is every fucking missile I see walking around Wynwood has their clothes on. And they all look like this.
Mamma Mia!
If Alo moves on demand means one of these girls then we have ourselves a deal. If you're talking yoga mats, kindly get fucked.
$15 daily credit per room for dining (exclusions apply)- Ok here is the very first thing that's appeared on this card with some actual value. But here's the thing, why are you giving me credit towards room service and charging me for it? Why not just let the chips fall where they may and charge me for whatever I order, IF I order anything.
This is like coming into my restaurant and me crediting you $50 towards dining and running your card for $75?
What are we doing here?
Daily use of bicycles (for up to 2 hours) - Stop it.
Access to events - Stop. It!
2 cans of water daily - Jesus guys.
In-room espresso - you have espresso/coffee machines in every room, just like every hotel on the planet that doesn't charge by the hour, but that's suddenly a feature worthy of charging the guest for. Got it.
This shit is madness. And it's happening all over, in industries that used to put an emphasis on customer service. Now it's the comeplete opposite. It's all about finding ticky tack ways you can squeeze an extra $15 out of customers. (Hopefully without them noticing).
Again, it's the same shit that drives people insane with ticketing sites that charge all these hidden ticketing and service fees, and airlines with all their additional charges. You know what the fuck the bare minimum is for people, stop dicking us around and just give us that price. If there are true and serious bells and whistles that can be added on, that's one thing, but this nonsense is a fucking scam, and it's driving people crazy.
p.s. - staying in hotels all the time, another fishy thing I've been noticing lately is that a lot of places now throw on "overnight parking" charges onto your bill without you ever even having a car there. They just assume you won't notice. You have to email customer service or ask them at check out to take it off your bill and it always takes 2-3 business days for some fucked up reason. Shade sheist indeed.