The Annual Chicago St. Patricks Day Police Blotter, 2025 Edition
(A tradition unlike any other.
One of the many things Big Cat used to post on this site that people from all over used to look forward to on an annual basis - the Chicago St. Patrick's Day Police Blotter blog.
I attempted to revive it a few years back, but it's gotten harder and harder every year. CWB Chicago used to crush it, keeping tabs on the scanners all day long and posting the greatest hits. It was basically the cliffs notes we could copy our tests on. But they don't do that anymore and the police scanner accounts on twitter are basically all gun shot and homicide alerts. All the fun stuff barely gets mentioned.
I think next year we need to hire a few interns to listen in on the scanners all day and jot down the action so we can do play-by-play.)
St. Patrick's Day in Chicago is just different.
By now everybody knows we take advantage of the prestigious natural beauty which drew Jean Baptiste Point Du Sable to the shores of Lake Michigan and the Chicago River in 1779. By take advantage of, I of course mean we dump hundreds of gallons of environmentally safe green dye into the river and turn it green, inviting millions of people to descend upon downtown bright and early to get ripped.
Yah Boston is probably king when it comes to Irish-Americans actually living in America (as Pat's Southie Irish Parade blog depicted), but Chicago holds the crown for the best party.
Growing up I didn't think it was possible to come close to touching the debauchery that takes place in Boston every March during St. Patrick's Day weekend.
Then I moved to Chicago and experienced my first here in the city, and the infamous southside parade.
It's like comparing a Bills tailgate to a Browns one.
They're both elite, in a class by themselves, and absolute bucket-list experiences. It's hard to explain why exactly Chicago gets the nod, it just does.
For instance, in Chicago, even our gangbangers partake in the holiday spirit.
PLUS, there's a reason they filmed one of the greatest movies of the 90s (not sure where it ranked on Klemmer's list and too lazy to go back 7 years to look), based around the city on it's greatest day.
This year it was a luke 64 degrees warm out.
As any Midwesterner who spent December - March couped up like a caged animal freezing their ass off will tell you, those are dangerous temps to unleash on the biggest day drinking day of the year. Like ten years ago it was randomly 80 degrees and the city almost crumbled from the mayhem.
Let's wrap up the preamble and get to the reason everybody clicked here.
The 2025 Chicago St. Patrick's Day Police Blotter
St. Patrick's Day Chicago 2025 will forever be remembered as the year of "The Borg".
Wondering why?
Because that's all that was left in the wake of destruction as far as thy eye could see downtown.
For those of you wondering what the fuck a "borg" is, we covered it here a couple of years ago when they started becoming a thing. Borg is actually an acronym for "Black Out Rage Gallon", aka "riot juice". You can read all about them here.
I'm actually impressed by the lack of fucks kids today give when it comes to drinking in public. I guess when you can walk around smoking weed without worrying about being thrown in jail and being branded a felon, boozing is just an afterthought. (Sidebar - do they still give underage kids citations if they're caught drinking?)
Anyway, back in my day, we had to be way more discreet. We opted for Sprite bottles we would fill with Bacardi Limon. St. John's High School basketball games, hockey games (shout out for nearly winning the state title yesterday against CM), school dances, pretty much anything we all had Sprite bottles in our hands. And we were terrified of a teacher or adult taking them out of our hands and asking why they reeked of shitty rum.
Kids today just walk around with gallon jugs of kool-aid colored jet fuel and don't give a shit who knows they are getting blasted.
Kind of have to respect it.
8:30 AM River North- As has become custom, the day kicked off with "The Great Lakes Jumper" diving into the dyed river-
8:26 AM Gold Coast - Fight inside McDonald's
Way too early for this fellas. Way too early. Get your hashbrowns and your McMuffin, set a nice base for yourself, and be on your way. Save the pent up aggression and sexual frustration for 4pm when you uber home alone.
(Sidebar - ever since the Wrigleyville McDonald's was taken from us (R.I.P.), this McDonald's on State and Chicago has taken the belt for "fast food place you don't want to step foot in without keeping your head on a swivel". It's a warzone.)
9:15 AM Southside - Ex Girlfriend showed up, means harm
Domestic abuse is no laughing matter, but this is the call of a man who is obviously very very scared of his ex girlfriend.
10AM West Loop - Man swinging fire extinguisher at people inside Starbucks
Take it easy man.
This is our Starbucks right down the street from Good Night John Boy. Nicest staff ever. If this asshole fucked with Glenda, then he got what's coming to him. I envision it going something like this,
12:37 Wrigleyville - Every year we say the same thing, "remember to pace yourself." And every year it's the same result.
Everybody in the comments of this tweet is asking where this kid is attempting go. "Doesn't he know there's high voltage electricity running up there that could kill him?"
Yah nerds. Who cares?
Higher ground. Ever heard of it?
Every explorer and conquistador who's ever conquered anything in the history of the world has known you can't do shit from ground level. Read a history book for me one time. Buddy is clearly getting a bird's eye view of the landscape to lead his team to their next objective. My guess is probably Murphy's Bleachers.
1:11 PM River North -
You're not living if you aren't needlessly risking not living on St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's just a birthright or something- risking life and limb for absolutely no reason when you're fucked up and young. If you're not looking back at stupid shit you did 10-20 years ago asking yourself, "what the fuck was I thinking?" then you probably lived in a bubble.
1:13 PM River West -
Real talk I hope this girl was ok and assuming she was. But this sounds about right. Clearly this was a caravan of people migrating their way west over from River North attempting to get to the West Loop.
Probably stopped in Shamrock Club for a quick car bomb and that was the car bomb that broke the camel's back for this poor girl. A for effort though for not tapping out until post 1pm in the afternoon. #respect.
1:51 PM Old Town -
This is the opposite. This either means this person took too many PEDs, for which the party gods always take their pound of flesh, OR, they got so blacked out that early-onset-Sunday scaries kicked in which is also an embarrassing look. It's one thing to be out day partying all day on Saturday, catch a quick early evening siesta and then wake up not knowing what hour it is, questioning if its Sunday or Monday, and nearly giving yourself a heart attack. It's quite another to be making your way from Wells on Wells to Happy Camper and having a freak out so bad you need an ambulance.
Clean it up.
1:37 PM Loop -
So it feels like 1pm was the tipping point for everybody.
1:56 PM Loop - Unconscious young woman
1pm was definitely the point things got ugly
2:00 PM South Loop - People fighting in the street
As somebody who got knocked out cold and nearly died, I can't really joke around about shit like this. But here's what appears to be the first of many fights on the day. (Another reason I love Chicago's St. Patrick's Day vs. Boston's is because this is actually a rarity in Chicago. People generally don't fight and try to kill each other for no reason. Whereas Boston on the other hand, you have a pretty large demographic of pissed off guys who get up in the morning, have breakfast and think about how many fights they can get into that day when they walk out their door.)
Thoughts and prayer to this kid in the video.
2:45 PM River North - People fighting in front of the Trump building
Speak of the devil. Girl fights mean girls only bro. This is trash behavior. Especially from behind. What a snake move.
3:14 River North - The Shannon Rovers have arrived
Nobody does it better.
4:56 PM - Michigan and Monroe - "50 people fighting"
The fight is whatever, but the big takeaway here is if you see a guy in a St. Patty's edition Kaner jersey, proceed with caution. I don't care how short or skinny they look, or how much you think you can take them. That is the official uniform of people with nothing to lose on St. Patrick's Day. You get in a scrum with one of them and your rolling the dice.
(Sidebar - take it easy with the "50 people fighting")
Bonus - Afternoon Fight Compilation -
Here's a video of fights Chicago Goofies compiled throughout the day
5pm Loop - Man shot outside bar
Dylan's is a great bar. One of our old landlords used to always host his meetings there all day, and just drink all day. Had a few meetings there and the staff was always pleasant and the food was surprisingly decent for an unassuming Irish pub. How a fight breaks out there between two guys and one draws a gun and shoots the other in the leg makes no sense though. Very 2025.
5:22 PM - Old Town - Man threatening to jump
Suicide is no joke. I made sure to check to see that this all ended safe and sound.
I think we've all been, or know somebody that's been in this guys shoes.
5:30 in the afternoon.
Long-ass day of drinking.
Probably a good 7-8 blowout arguments with the girlfriend everybody knows it's never going to work out. But they just don't understand her the way that you do. She's just different. Especially when it's just the two of you. Nobody really gets what you guys have. It's all going to turn around one day. Things will do a 180 magically, and you're both going to live happily ever after and everybody else is going to be like, "wow".
Then things take a turn for the worst on St. Patrick's Day and the wheels come off.
She pulls an Irish goodbye (pun intended) with her girlfriends (who you've always just pretended to actually like, but never really did because they are horrible influences on her). You're concerned about her because she's been drinking all day, and you're the responsible one, so you check up on her. You call her just a couple (dozen) times and send a few texts.
Your texts are showing up green and you're going straight to voicemail.
Then an hour or so later you finally get a notification on your phone from her.
"I think we should see other people."
What's even the point of living anyway? Fuck it all.
7:43 PM Wrigleyville -
Glass houses Alexis. You were 25 once too. Take it easy.
Today - the river stays green for a couple days
p.s. - never forget