Belichick Brings American Masculinity to New Heights by Doing Beach Yoga With His Girlfriend

Darren Agboh. Shutterstock Images.

Ever since Gene Hackman's death I've been going through his filmography. Unforgiven. No Way Out. Crimson Tide. And of course Hoosiers. And among all of them, one line that has stood out the most for me is from the scene in the latter in which Myra Fleener is telling Norman Dale how she's trying to give Jimmy Chitwood a choice in life other than being just treated like a god in Hickory because he was good at basketball when he was 17. And Dale replies, "You know, most people would kill to be treated like a god, just for a few moments." 

They would indeed. But then again, there are those among us for whom being treated like a god is not enough. Not for a few moments. Not for a career that spans many decades. Not for a lifetime. There is a very elite, select few who have achieved godlike status but are never content. Who have done things no one else has, but are still obsessed with attaining even greater glory. 

Bill Belichick is just such a rare man. 

Most of us would be content with being head coach of one Super Bowl champion. The whole population of the earth - minus one - would consider six to be enough for one lifetime:

He's the lone exception. Because now he's not only taking his unparalleled genius to the college ranks, he's doing things no other champion has ever done. Which is to say, he's become the winningest boyfriend of all time. The Undisputed Heavyweight Romance Champion. Name another all time great coach who ever accomplished anything like this at this point in his career:

You think Chuck Noll ever did Beach Yoga with a knockout like Jordon Isabella? Did you ever see photos of Tom Landry or Vince Lombardi giving their romantic partner flying rides like she was a mere toddler? I admired John Madden as much as the next guy. But if he got on his back in the sand like this, you'd have needed a crane to get him back on his feet. And a paramedic standing by to do CPR. For this, the greatest of all football minds, it's just another day in March. 

But at this point, calling him the greatest in football is damning him with faint praise. He's truly achieving the heights of American masculinity before our eyes. He's no longer comparable to the Nolls, Landrys, Lombardis or Maddens. He's up there with Washington. Daniel Boone. Lincoln. Teddy Roosevelt. Eisenhower. Armstrong. Hasselhoff. Bold, pioneering men who changed the world and yet never stopped striving to leave more indelible marks upon it. 

Until this moment, I thought I was doing alright in my 31-plus years of marriage. After this, I realize what a fraud I've been, having never done this for my devoted Irish Rose. And hold my manhood cheap while this great man leaves his mighty footprints (and backprint) in the literal sand. In addition, I have no doubt North Carolina is about to win a National Championship. No one winning off the field at this level could possibly lose on it.