Alec Baldwin's Fake Spanish Wife From Boston Cucked Him in the Middle of an Interview

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What a couple of years it's been for Alec Baldwin. If he's not pulling the trigger on a prop gun with a live round in it and killing one of his movie crew, he's a laughingstock his wife's accent keeps changing like the weather in her hometown, which happens to be Boston:

Which is problematic for several reasons. Not the least of which is he's been dining out on how quaint and adorable her Spanishness is since the day that got married:

But if this interview that's just gone viral is any indication, being married to a phony, inauthentic, culture-appropriating fraud is the least of his worries. You can talk in any affected, disingenuous dialect you want as long as you don't emasculate your husband in front of cameras for all the world to see like Hilaria did here:

Remember how Bart found the exact moment Ralph Wiggum's heart broke?

Here's the exact moment Baldwin's Masshole wife castrated him and put his severed penis in her expensive designer handbag:

Just look at those expressions from both of them. This is a man being held against his will. One of the great actors of his generation is a captive. He's got full blown Stockholm Syndrome. I've rewatched this a dozen times now to look for signs he's blinking "SOS."  This calls for the police to surround the area and put a hostage negotiator on the bullhorn to discuss Hilaria's terms. Or better yet, SEAL Team 6 to chopper in and rescue this poor man. 

And consider that this is how she talks to him when the cameras are rolling and there's a live mic in her face. Imagine for one hot second what it's like when no one's around. The condescension. The contempt. The disrespect. Correcting the grown man whose talent and business acumen have kept her and their brood of children living in luxury, going to private schools, tended to by housekeepers and nannies. And this is the thanks he gets. 

I don't think we've seen the likes of this from any of our celebrity couples since Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. And while I'd never defend her, at least she has an acting career of her own. Baldwin is getting this treatment from his trophy wife as the world looks on. And in doing so, she's done the near impossible. Which is make all of us feel horrible for one of the least sympathetic people in all of Hollywood. 

Thoughts and prayers to you, Alec Baldwin. Just know that we're thinking of you. And that it's not too late to signal that you're looking to be rescued.