DoorDash Has Partnered with Klarna, Meaning People Can Now Split Their Burritos Into 4 Interest-Free Installments
CNBC - Klarna, the buy now, pay later lender that’s headed for an initial public offering, said on Thursday that it’s signed on DoorDash as a partner, another sign of momentum for public market investors.
It’s DoorDash’s first BNPL alliance in the U.S. and gives users of the restaurant delivery service a new way to pay for meals and products. Klarna said in a press release that DoorDash customers will be able to pay in full at checkout, split payments into four equal interest-free installments, or defer to dates that align conveniently with payday schedules.
Thank you DoorDash. Thank you Klarna. At 0% interest, it would be fiscally irresponsible to not defer the cost of your Chipotle into four installments. Let your money work for you as long as possible. Only a sucker pays for lunch T.O.M. (Time of Meal). A conscious investor will let his $23.89 continue to grow for the next few weeks. By the time your burrito comes due, you'll have made back nearly half the money in delivery fees. It may seem trivial at first, but as they say, beware the investment activity that produces applause; great moves are usually greeted by yawns. If you don't think Warren Buffett is salivating at the opportunity to finance his McDonald's, then I've got a high-yield bond to sell you.
I still think there's a non-zero percent chance that two Wednesday's from now, we come to learn this announcement was all one big April Fool's joke. Because realistically (and I think we can all agree on this) there's no situation where you should ever be financing your lunch. If you ever find yourself about to do so, it's probably a sign that you shouldn't be ordering food at all. Definitely not through a delivery service notorious for their outrageous service fees. Where a $26.00 meal + $2.50 delivery fee + $7.10 in "fees & estimated tax" + $5 tip, somehow brings you to a total of $54.83. At that point, it's probably wiser to get your fat and/or lazy ass off the couch and go to the grocery store. Maybe stock up on lunch meat and noodles for a few days until the next paycheck hits.
I guess it would make a little more sense if you were ordering a weeks worth of groceries through DoorDash. Say you don't have a car and need more items than you can carry. I suppose in that case it's not the stupidest decision I've ever heard. But still, DoorDash partnering with Klarna seems inherently evil. I'd imagine when 99% of people defer their DoorDash payments, they aren't making responsible financial decisions. Not that everyone is going to wind up in DoorDash debt, but you should never spend money you don't have yet on take-out. That's like, Example 1A of an irresponsible purchase. Nobody needs that option in their life. No customers (or at least very few) will be better off because of this partnership. I'm sure they'll be happy in the moment when a plate of hibachi magically appears at their doorstep, and their bank account remains safely at $7.84. But months down the road, when they've made a habit of using the service, and Klarna is taking $150 off the top of every paycheck because they have 10 orders of PF Changs they're still paying off... I mean, they did it to themselves... I'm sure they would have found a way to mess up their finances regardless... but DoorDash didn't have to hand them the fucking rope.
What we should really be thinking about is how to use this against DoorDash. There simply must be a way to scam them using their new service. Say I sign up to become a DoorDash driver myself. I drive my car to the parking lot of a local restaurant. My friend orders a meal for delivery, and I accept the pick-up. Then my friend tips $21 million dollars through DoorDash using the Klarna feature.
I quickly accept the tip and cash out. My friend never pays and declares bankruptcy. We both walk away with ten million dollars. Surely DoorDash and Klarna haven't implemented any measures to prevent a scam of that nature. Even if they have, there must be other ways to get over on them. We'll think of something eventually. One thing I do know… if you owe Klarna 100 chicken quesadillas, that's a you problem. If you owe Klarna 100,000 chicken quesadillas… that's a Klarna problem.
Giving people the option to finance McDonald's and Chipotle doesn't strike me as a good sign for the economy. But we'll burn that bridge to the ground when we get there. Pretty funny stuff, DoorDash. Keep up the great work. You're doing awesome things for society.