Please Respect Tiger Woods' Privacy During This Time
Oh my. Tiger Woods. What a wild ride of a post. I went from thinking Tiger Woods was married to thinking Tiger Woods was possibly dead all within 240 characters. It's a masterpiece, really. But regardless, it is of the utmost importance that we respect Tiger Woods privacy during these joyous and/or trying times. He wouldn't have hard launched his relationship with the President's son's ex-wife (who still hasn't dropped his last name) if Tiger Woods wanted attention. I actually mean that. At some point of the day, Tiger Woods sat down and decided that the best way to stop people from gossiping about his new relationship with Vanessa Trump, was to write an insane post about his new relationship with Vanessa Trump. Good ball, Tiger. Well played.
I truly do love Tiger Woods. He's given me years upon years of golf watching enjoyment. Some of my core memories are watching Tiger on Sunday. But Tiger makes LeBron James look like the most socially normal, down-to-earth athlete on the planet. They're similar in a lot of ways. Both of them lived their whole lives in the spotlight. Neither had any semblance of a normal life. Tiger Woods is who LeBron James should be. The fact that LeBron is only as much of a weirdo as he is, is actually kind of impressive.
Do you think Tiger penned this post himself? It almost had to be him. I'm not sure if he's the one who hit send on the tweet. But if Tiger Woods had consulted a PR team about his relationship launch post, there's no way that this is what they would have come up with, right? No way a set of professional eyeballs read that and thought, "Yep, good post Tiger. Very normal. This should give you some peace and quiet."
No. That's a post written by a man who's been doing an impression of a human being his entire life. That's what a weird childhood and decades of traipsing through life on the world's sickest opiate/Xanax cocktail will do to a man. But congratulations on finding the love of your life Tiger. I can tell the two of you are deeply in love by the staged photoshoot. You pass the line test perfectly.
That is in fact if Tiger Woods is still alive. I know he explicitly stated that "life is better", and that he looks forward to their "journey through life together", but I can't get it out of my head that him and Vanessa Trump may have joined a cult and drank a glass of Jesus Kool-Aid. That this post is in reference to them emarking on a journey through life in some sort of spiritual realm. They are sleeping in the second picture after all. I just can't get over that last sentence. I can't imagine typing that out unless someone has been lost. It's also not entirely impossible that Tiger Woods visited the White House one day and the Trump family ran the Get Out playbook on him. Just something to keep an eye on. Stay safe Tiger.