A New Alpha Male Influencer Just Dropped, Showing His Morning Routine Of Rubbing Banana Peel All Over His Face And Is Now The Laughing Stock Of The Internet

Unless you live under a rock, you've seen this guy plastered all over your timeline over the last few days. I was shocked to see it hadn't been blogged on Barstool SPORTS but here we are. The video has 700 MILLION views and that's not including any spoofs that have come out which probably total an extra billy. Imagine 700 million people watching a video completely shitting on your alpha male routine? Except I think he's got the last laugh because he's now got 9 million Instagram followers and now that "we gotta make at least $10,000" bit in his morning routine doesn't seem too farfetched:

Accidentally dropping a glass with the camera already set up is next level IQ stuff. And so is leveling up your fitness so much that you're in the air for 4 whole minutes:

It was a surprise to absolutely nobody that he lives in Miami, and overlooks Brickell like some crypto supervillain. If you're tired of this type of content, well unfortunately he's got spawns too:

Anyway, if you take anything from this guy's routine, let it not be that he's showcasing unrealistic morning routines which for most just consists of getting a cup of Stella Blue coffee and aimlessly doom scrolling Twitter until you maybe hit the gym for 20-30 minutes and then off to your shitty 9-5, but that you gotta go out there and make at least $10,000. Good luck out there.