Nothing Says March Madness Like Lying To Your Boss's Face

The more time passes, the more I realize that I might be one of the biggest morons to ever walk the face of the Earth. No matter how pure my intentions are, I somehow always manage to make the wrong decision.

There I was, sitting in the gambling cave, watching my live bet on Texas A&M +1.5 look as solid as ever. The only problem? The energy in the cave was completely dead. Michigan was down by nine, and with Dave in the room, no one dared to make a sound. Everyone sat there, quiet as mice, afraid to move or speak. The tension was suffocating. So, in an effort to inject some life back into the place, I decided to do what any rational man would do—I cracked a rally Noon to get the boys going.

I wasn’t worried about my A&M bet. It wasn’t like I had life-changing money on the game. I just wanted to shift the vibes. So, I asked Dave to pass me a rally Noon, and the second I took my first sip, I heard a voice from the corner of the cave yell out:

“He’s on A&M!”

The rat’s name? Spider.

See, Tate and Spider had been going at it all night. Tate was on A&M, while Spider was riding with Michigan, and apparently, Tate celebrating every made three-pointer right in his face was enough to push Spider over the edge. So, in an act of pure betrayal, he outed me to Dave.

Dave immediately turned to me. "Are you on A&M?" he asked.

In that moment, I panicked. If I told the truth, I was dead. Dave would rip me to shreds. But if I lied—just maybe—I could get out of it.

So, I did what any scumbag would do. I flat-out lied.

Of course, that didn’t work. The second Dave asked to see my DraftKings account, I knew it was over. There was no way out. So, instead of trying to spin some elaborate defense, I just hit him with a simple "GG’s." Congrats, you caught me.

But before I handed him my phone, I made one last desperate move—I snuck in a live bet on Michigan moneyline at +325.

And if I’m being completely honest, Michigan doesn’t win that game without me cracking that rally Noon and firing off that bet. The second I asked for the drink, Michigan went on a dominant 48-26 run to close out the game. They stormed back, flipped the script, and punched their ticket to the Sweet 16.

So yeah, I’m taking credit for the win. Without that spark, the vibes would’ve stayed dead, and Michigan would’ve folded.

Did I lie to my boss to get some energy going for the boys? Yes.

Did that lie ultimately propel Michigan into the Sweet 16? Also yes.

And if you ask me, that’s a trade Dave would take seven days a week.

And if you ask me, that’s a trade Dave would take seven days a week.