"Holy Shit, I Need To Poop" - Every UFC Fighter's Worst Nightmare Came True This Weekend
This past weekend at UFC Mexico City, Loopy Godinez faced what I would imagine is every fighter's worst nightmare: realizing you have to poop mid-fight. After the second round of her fight with Julia Polastri, the first thing she said to her corner was, "Holy shit - I need to poop. Holy fuck."
One of the coaches laughs for a second, but then they all pretty much act like that wasn't just said and keep reminding Loopy she's only got five more minutes left to fight. As someone with lifelong stomach issues who has felt the "Holy shit - I need to poop." sensation in plenty of less-than-ideal situations, I think that was the PERFECT move by the cornermen. Get that person's mind off the poop immediately! And it worked - because she made it through the round and got the decision win!
Thank god she didn't go full Kish....
Can you imagine that, though? You're ten minutes into a fist fight and you realize you have to take a fucking dump? I mean, if you're not in the octagon I'd imagine that might work as a pretty good defense - because nobody's fighting a guy who is actively shitting - but it is NOT COOL when you're on national television.
P.S. My worst having-to-poop-during-sports story came during Little League - I was about to literally shit my pants in the on-deck circle, and tried to get my dad (the coach of the team) to pinch hit for me. I was pretty great in the field back then, believe it or not, but I was also a bad hitter with constant anxiety about stepping up to the plate, so Coach Dad figured I was just being a bitch and made me get up to bat. What he didn't realize was that I was going to swing so fast at three balls before the pitcher even finished his wind up so I could unleash the worst diarrhea you've ever seen on a disgusting clubhouse bathroom. I can still imagine the horrible feeling of sitting down so fast that I forgot to wipe the seat first, and then feeling the infield dirt on my bare ass cheeks. Shuddering just thinking about it.