Minor League Announcers Describing Their Pitchers' 22-Walk Performance is the Very Definition of Grace Under Fire

We will never know what we lost when the late, great Bob Uecker went to his final reward in that great broadcast booth in the sky. Or how many young men were inspired to follow in his Harry Doyle footsteps because he made doing baseball play-by-play seem like a noble pursuit. In his loving hands, even calling a game of the worst team in the land, with pitchers who couldn't find the strike zone with binoculars seem fun. 

Tell that to the Gen Zers calling a game of the Marlins Single-A affiliate, the aptly named Jupiter Hammerheads as they proceeded to issue 22 bases on balls to the Dunedin Blue Jays:

Here's what that looks like on the chart:

According to Grok AI, that's a feat that has never been accomplished in MLB history:

The MLB record for the most bases on balls (walks) by one team in a single game is 18. This record was set by the Detroit Tigers on May 9, 1916, during a 16–2 victory over the Cleveland Indians at Navin Field in Detroit. The Tigers drew these 18 walks off seven different Cleveland pitchers in a nine-inning game, with eight of those walks occurring in the second inning alone. Notably, this game took place in an era when pitching strategies and control were less refined, contributing to such an extreme total. This mark has stood unmatched for over a century, making it one of baseball’s more enduring single-game team records.

I'm not sure what "less refined" pitching strategy calls for you to walk [does the math] an average of two batters an inning and give up 16 runs in the process. But presumably that one fell out of favor sometime around World War I. So let's assume the Hammerheads were actually trying to put the ball over the plate. I coached enough youth baseball to have witnessed games like that in person. When the kids were like 9. And it's excruciating. You find yourself silently rooting for your own kid to strike out on three pitches just to bring the trip home for beers and dinner (in that order) a few minutes closer to reality. 

But this isn't about how terrible the Hammerheads are or how seemingly hopeless the long term future of the Marlins is. This is about these intrepid souls who had to describe every pitch of this abomination. This is what a ferocious iron will sounds like. Faced with such despair, these hearty men refused to drop their scorebooks with all the "BB RBI"s to the floor and simply walk out. Their plaintive wail of "You gotta put it over the plate" spoke for all mankind. Acknowledging they had just two viewers at that point, while doing their level best to keep both of them entertained was professionalism at its finest. 

Which makes one wonder who exactly was still in front of the set watching a Single-A game with 22 walks. And calls to mind The Simpson when the Vin Scully insert baseball announcer said something to the effect of "That out was 6-3, if you're scoring along at home. And if you are scoring the game at home, your loneliness saddens me." But since I can't find that clip, here's Homer having to be on the wagon and realizing how boring a game like this one can be:

Anyway, kudos to these Jupiter broadcasters for their grace and stoicism. I promise you we'll be hearing them in the Majors someday. Unlike anyone on the Hammerheads pitching staff.