PSA: A Massive Gang Brood of Geese Has Taken Over Jersey City

Last week I was walking to work and passed the largest family gaggle of geese I have ever seen. I thought to myself, "Damn, that's a lot of geese." 

That same night, I was walking home from dinner and saw the family of geese again. This time they crossed the road. They didn't wait for the walk signal, but they did use the crosswalk. I believe I counted 42 of them. I was pleased that the traffic was respectful of the geese and allowed them cross instead of stepping on the gas and committing geese genocide. I posted the video to TikTok. Only TikTok I've ever posted that's gone viral. Turns out geese invoke a reaction. 

A couple days later I saw the geese again as I was driving in a U-Haul. I thought about trailing them, but being I was in a U-Haul, it seemed like a lot of work. And I did not want to cause the geese any unnecessary stress. They already had one old lady rudely trailing them. 

Since then, I've moved to a different neighborhood. But I've been keeping up with the geese from a far. The geese are becoming stronger. They're growing bigger, as young geese are prone to do. And they are growing in numbers. See Reddit post below.

That's at minimum 64 geese. I think it's probably more. The general consensus from people who live in Jersey City seems to be that the geese numbers have been growing year after year. But this year especially, they've exploded. Jersey City is in the midst of a full blown geese takeover. What do they do all day? I have no idea. In the evening I saw them walking back towards the water. In the morning they were walking towards the city, presumably to conduct their geese business before retreating back to their home along the Hudson River.

Upon further research, I've come to learn that a group of geese this big is referred to as a gang brood. Most geese raise their goslings in a traditional two-parent home. But in higher density areas like Jersey City, whether it's for protection, or because the rent is out of control, multiple broods of geese will team up and raise their families together. By the looks of the most recent video, I count 8 adult geese, which implies this Jersey City gang brood is made up of 4 geese families. 

I've never had beef with geese. I consider myself a friend of the goose. But many people seem to have exceptionally strong feelings about them. They're either deathly scared of them, or they hate their guts. They can do a number on golf course shit-wise. I've heard golfers tell stories of being attacked by geese. But in my experience, as long as you approach the geese respectfully, and don't come at them with bad vibes, the geese will slowly but surely get out of your way. Any time I see or hear of a person being attacked by a goose, I can only assume they did something to deserve it. 

Take this ass hole for example. I wonder what piece of shit behavior forced this goose's hand into an attempted murder.

Probably tried to get out of his car and protect them or something. Geese hate that. It's incredibly patronizing. Might as well spit on their beaks and call them unfit parents to their face. Geese may look harmless, but have you ever seen their teeth up close? They're like long serrated knife blades ready to rip your esophagus out. They literally have razor-tongues

Shutterstock Images.

I think a couple geese parents can handle getting their small children across a busy interstate just fine without your "help" old man. And I can only imagine what the unruly youth of Wilfred Laurier University did to deserve a full throated goose attack every single time they stepped foot out their front door. 

But if you ever do find yourself unfortunate enough to be on the wrong end of a goose attack, this handy goose self-defense video should give you all the necessary moves to let you escape the encouter with your life.

Stay safe out there Jersey City. Stay safe out there geese. By the time this blog is posted, I wouldn't be surprised if the gang brood is up to triple digit geese. And I swear to God if I hear of anybody causing the gang brood harm, I will track you down, report you to PETA, and your front porch will be covered in fake blood that washes away with water so fast your head will spin.