TSA Is Reportedly Working On "Touchless Inspection" Technology That Could Make Physical Pat Downs Obsolete, But Is This Good Or Bad News For Perverts?

404 Media – The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Transportation Security Administration (TSA) are researching an incredibly wild virtual reality technology that would allow TSA agents to use VR goggles and haptic feedback gloves to allow them to pat down and feel airline passengers at security checkpoints without actually touching them. The agency calls this a “touchless sensor that allows a user to feel an object without touching it.”

Information sheets released by DHS and patent applications describe a series of sensors that would map a person or object’s “contours” in real time in order to digitally replicate it within the agent’s virtual reality system. This system would include a “haptic feedback pad” which would be worn on an agent’s hand. This would then allow the agent to inspect a person’s body without physically touching them in order to ‘feel’ weapons or other dangerous objects. 

Am I the only person who has not once been patted down by a TSA agent? I've had my bags pulled plenty of times. I've even walked back and forth through the metal detector multiple times, setting it off each time, but in the end I either figure out what's in my pocket on my own, or they scan me with their wand a couple times and just let me go. Never have I actually been pulled aside and given a hand job + prostate exam combo by the thick sweaty sausage fingers of a man who closely resembles Kathy Bates. But maybe I'm just unlucky. 

Regardless of my personal experiences, I'm told that invasive hand to upper-inner thigh pat downs are happening at airport security gates across the world on a regular basis. I've heard several people say they've felt personally violated by a TSA agent. So when I first read this headline, I thought to myself, "Pour one out for the perverts". Numbered are their days of pulling aside the bustiest most scantily clad women of the day and insisting that their magical wand of safety detects dangerous metals between her breasts and butt cheeks, and it's a matter of national security that he conducts a thorough sexual assaulting before allowing her to proceed to her gate. 

But then I read the full article. What I originally thought was the nail in the coffin for TSA's most prolific gropers might actually mark a new dawn for groping. This brand new VR goggle + haptic feedback padded gloves technology may actually flip the groping game on its head. You see, the only thing preventing most perverts from doing perverted things is that they are cowards. In some ways, those perverts are worst perverts of all, because they exhibit all the characteristics of a groper, yet don't have the fortitude to use their authority as a TSA agent to cop the feel they so desire. The only thing worse than a sexual deviant is a sexual deviant without a spine. But the way these gloves work... 

The system “would allow the user to ‘feel’ the contour of the person or object without actually touching the person or object,” a patent for the device reads. “Generating the mapping information and physically relaying it to the user can be performed in real time.” The information sheet says it could be used for security screenings but also proposes it for "medical examinations."

The seeming reason for researching this tool is that a TSA agent would get the experience and sensation of touching a person without actually touching the person, which the DHS researchers seem to believe is less invasive. The DHS information sheet notes that a “key benefit” of this system is it “preserves privacy during body scanning and pat-down screening” and “provides realistic virtual reality immersion,” and notes that it is “conceptual.” But DHS has been working on this for years, according to patent filings by DHS researchers that date back to 2022.

My God... these haptic gloves are what a spineless pervert's wet dreams are made of. Have you ever wanted to feel up a customer from head-to-toe, yet still maintain a shred of plausibility deniability that you actually aren't being creepy as shit? Well then these gloves are for you. If only 1% of TSA agents previously had the gall to abuse their power and act on their sexual impulses, with these new haptic gloves, according to my math, we're looking at roughly 80-85% of TSA agents who will now feel emboldened to play the air bongos roughly 6-inches above their target's chest. 

The person passing through security (let's say it's a man this time) won't feel a thing when the agent's hand lingers an extra 1-15 seconds near his penis. But that TSA agent sure has hell will feel the full weight and shape of your nutsack in the palm of his haptically padded hand. Not only will he go home that night with intimate memories of feeling your perineum, but he'll have a 3D rendering of your entire body to go along with it. 

Whether it is actually less invasive to have a TSA agent in VR goggles and haptics gloves feel you up either while standing near you or while sitting in another room is something that is going to vary from person to person. TSA patdowns are notoriously invasive, as many have pointed out through the years. One privacy expert who showed me the documents but was not authorized to speak to the press about this by their employer said “I guess the idea is that the person being searched doesn't feel a thing, but the TSA officer can get all up in there?,” they said. “The officer can feel it … and perhaps that’s even more invasive (or inappropriate)? All while also collecting a 3D rendering of your body."

And if these gloves are first being developed for TSA, it's only a matter of time before they hit the market for the general public. It's only a matter of time before the perverts who aren't so lucky to have landed a job with the TSA are riding a New York City subway with their VR headsets and haptic feedback gloves, cupping the airspace around the ass of the person standing next to them. It's only a matter of time before this haptic feedback glove technology is applied to some sort of penis wrap, and every time the pervert's crotch gets within a foot of another person, he's going to feel the contours of their body on his erect dick. And the victims will be none the wiser.

Now you're probably thinking, "But John, is this not the perfect solution for unstable incels who are mere days away from committing terrible sex crimes, or shooting up a state university if they don't feel the touch of a women?"

That's kind of a weird place for your mind to go, but I suppose there may be a situation where haptic feedback pervert gloves (or penis wraps) prevent a person from doing something heinous. But I still think it seems pretty invasive. Especially if they still have to get inches away from their target for the gloves to register their contours. Now if we get to a point where the haptic feedback gloves work from say, 10 feet away… or maybe 50 feet away? Now we're getting to an interesting philosophical dilemma. If these VR goggles can snipe a person from across the street, scan their body, and relay its voluptuous figure into the palm of your hands, is that still equally invasive? 

Certainly makes you think. This is some very interesting new technology we're dealing with here. I can see the positives. I can see how on the surface it seems like a less invasive way to conduct a pat down. But I can't help but worry these gloves will fall into the wrong hands, and be used for nefariously horny reasons.