You Can't Get Mad While Wearing a Sombrero

Not in the sombrero, Jake. Much like riding a jet-ski. They say money can't buy you happiness, but have you ever seen a sad person on jet-ski? That's from an old Daniel Tosh stand-up. Expect Daniel Tosh says wave runner. Feel like it would have been funnier if he said jet-ski. You can't be sad, or mad on a jet-ski. Not on the water at least. Now if you dry accelerate a jet-ski on land, that's a different story. 

But Jake Paul, you can't let yourself get angry at Piers Morgan for implying you aren't a serious boxer when you're wearing a sombrero. You look foolish. If you really want a way to counter people coming at you for being a fake boxer, and at wear a sombrero at the same time, you should have hired a mariachi band. Just have a mariachi band stand behind you for the duration of the interview, and the minute Piers Morgan starts saying something you don't like, cue the tiny guitars. "What's that Piers? I can't hear you over the sweet sounds of Viva la Mexico."

Then maybe pull out some maracas for good measure just to really make a complete fucking joke out of his #Uncensored television program. You can't half ass the sombrero bit. If you're going to utilize one, you gotta be ready to go full Mexican celebration. You gotta be ready to smile. Unless you're ripping the small guitar, or fighting a bull, to have as much as a straight face while wearing a sombrero just looks silly. And if you are going to get mad, you gotta be prepared to come at Piers Morgan with something better than, "When's the last time you've gone to the gym, pal?"

Jake Paul really has the perfect face for this professional boxer cosplay thing. You can't help but hate the guy. The longer I sit here typing with that image of him looking like Beaker form the Muppets at the top of my screen, the more I just want to say mean things about how his boxing career is on par with Vladimir Putin playing ice hockey. 

And he just keeps fighting the perfect level of fighter where people can look at their careers on paper and kinda convince themselves that it's a legitimate fight. "Oh wow Julio Cesar Chavez! He was a WBC champion. He knows how to box for real. Yeah I know he's 40 years old, but his dad says he's actually in the best shape of his life."

The Tennessean – "I've never seen him train like this, he's very focused," Julio Cesar Chavez Sr. said in May. "With all due respect to Jake Paul, there is no way that Jake Paul can beat my son."

But then you go look at the line and see Jake Paul is -575. You see Julio Cesar Chavez hasn't had a real fight since 2017. 4 years ago he's lost to a 45-year old Anderson Silva. This is about to be the easiest pay day of Julio's entire life. In the end the fight isn't going to be very entertaining. Then Jake Paul will be on to fighting Connor McGregor in a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon and continue making millions and millions of dollars selling snake oil. It's remarkable stuff.