Congratulations to All-Time Bad Name Guy Harvey Epstein For Defeating Anthony Weiner in Primary Race for New York City Council

There was a time where Harvey Epstein had a lot going for him name-wise. When people heard the name Harvey Epstein they thought, "I don't know who that is, but I'm pretty sure he's important." 

You had Harvey Weinstein, the mega-successful Hollywood elite movie producer. Lord of The Rings, Goodwill Hunting, Kill Bill, Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams, he produced them all. Then you had Jeffery Epstein, a person who you weren't really sure what he did, but you'd heard the name somewhere. You knew he was rich. You knew he had powerful friends. So I'd imagine when people heard the name Harvey Epstein, they just sort of loosely mashed-up those two important people who they vaguely knew about in their minds and thought to themselves, "This Harvey Epstein guy must mean business."

But there was a time when a man named Hitler Mussolini would have been cock of the walk too. Elite names can go from accidentally scoring free meals at fancy restaurants to being inexplicably blacklisted from social clubs across the city in the blink of an eye. 

The writing was on the wall for Harvey in the mid-2000's when allegations first started trickling in. Random actresses were gradually making more and more off-hand comments about how if Harvey Weinstein invites you to a party, buy a plane ticket to the opposite side of the world. Then you had Jeffrey Epstein, who I'm still not even sure how well people knew him at the time, pleading guilty to child prostitution charges. Child prostitution charges that saw him serving a whopping 13 months in a tennis & lobster country club. But it wasn't until the late 2010's when things really popped off. There was a stretch of time where you couldn't turn on the TV without seeing some variation of a "HARVEY WEINSTEIN SEXUAL ASSAULT" or "JEFFREY EPSTEIN SEXUAL ASSAULT EXCEPT IT'S KIDS AND ON AN ISLAND" headline in the news. The whole time Harvey Epstein is just sitting at home banging his head against the wall trying to make a simple fucking dinner reservation without being verbally assaulted over the phone by a part-time hostess. 

But Harvey Epstein has managed to overcome it all. And this election cycle, by the grace of god, the opponent* he needed to overcome was convicted sex offender Anthony Weiner. A person who every single time you hear his name, you can't help but instantly think of his underage sexting scandal. What a battle of the titans. One man, who from what I can tell is probably a decent enough guy (relative to other politicians, major caveat there) with an all-time unfortunate name in Harvey Epstein, up against a man who actually has been convicted of sex crimes, who also has an equally unfortunate name in Anthony Weiner. It's like god looked down on Harvey Epstein this election and said, "You know what, pal. I've been a real ass hole to you over the last couple decades. I'm gonna throw you a bone here."

*Ok so "technically" there were a couple of other candidates who were closer in votes to Harvey Epstein than Anthony Weiner, but Sarah Batchu and Andrea Gordillo don't move the needle like Weiner. 

Congratulations, Harvey Epstein. I don't know the first thing about your politics, but you've overcome more than most people in the name category. You're an inspiration for Harvey __stein's everywhere.