Further Proof the NFLPA is the Worst: ED Lloyd Howell Quits After Getting Busted Spending Thousands in Union Funds at a Strip Club
For better or worse, and contrary to what movies have taught us, strippers tend to not be stunningly attractive Harvard graduates with three Academy Award nominations and a Best Actress Oscar. Disappointing though that may be, women like Natalie Portman don't go into that line of work. And if they did, lonely incels who don't mind the smell of old beer, store brand perfume, and existential despair wouldn't be able to afford their services.
But some men could. That rare breed who can afford any form of entertainment thanks to the combined blessings that are:
1) The expense account.
2) Moral bankruptcy.
3) An utter lack of concern for the people paying the bills.
Which is the case with now former NFL Players Association head Lloyd Howell, who just got caught red-handed using union funds to wine 'em, dine 'em, and possibly 69 'em:
Source - Former NFL Players Association leader Lloyd Howell Jr. resigned after an outside investigator hired by the union received documents this week showing Howell charged the union for two visits to strip clubs, including a $738.82 car service that took him from the airport to one of the clubs.
The documents are union-approved expense reports and receipts, which ESPN began asking questions about hours before Howell abruptly resigned. ...
Howell was picked up in a sedan by a car service at Fort Lauderdale International Airport on Nov. 2, 2023, at 10:26 p.m. The car's first stop was at a nearby Miami Gardens address. The receipt shows only one other stop, nearly eight hours later at 6 a.m., when the car dropped off Howell at his luxury condominium in Sunny Isles Beach.
A union finance worker noticed the car service's exorbitant cost. The employee searched online for the Miami Gardens address, discovering it was Tootsie's Cabaret.
The 76,000-square-foot venue bills itself as the world's largest strip club -- "full nude No. 1 rated." ...
More than a year later, Howell and two union employees visited a strip club in Atlanta, according to the expense reports obtained by ESPN.
During this year's NFLPA summit on Feb. 21, Howell accompanied the employees to the Magic City strip club for an outing that incurred $2,426 in charges including cash withdrawals, ranging from $200 to $525, from a club ATM, sources and documents show. They used two "VIP rooms."
According to the expense report, the purpose of the strip club outing: "Player Engagement Event to support & grow our Union."
"Full nude No.1 rated"? $2,500 in cash withdrawals? VIP rooms? "Support and grow our" penises, amirite???
You almost have to admire the sheer audacity it takes to even attempt to pull this off. Knowing there's going to be a paper trail. That somebody, somewhere in the Players Association is going to be looking at the receipts. As will the federal government, as ESPN points out:
Federal labor laws are strict when it comes to a union's expenses and reimbursement actions; the laws aim to protect union members whose dues fund operations, unlike what happens in a corporate environment.
Bob Stropp, a widely respected veteran labor lawyer, told ESPN that the car service reimbursement is "the kind of sexy thing that gets the attention of the [U.S.] Department of Labor."
"That's pretty horrible," said Stropp … "That's unbelievable. I don't know how you get around that. It's hard to believe that anyone would be that stupid."
Stupid or just ballsy? You decide. Leaving a car service driver cooling their heels waiting for you outside the nudie bar for eight hours to the tune of well over 700 bucks is admittedly a lot of both. I mean, any guy paying his own way would just wait until he's ready to leave and summon another ride. Not Howell (allegedly). This was a man who was (apparently) determined to put his entire focus on his table dances done to the tune of "Pour Some Sugar On Me." He didn't go straight from the plane to Tootsie's Cabaret just to have to worry about saving his rank and file dues-paying members a few hundred bucks (reportedly). Daddy knows what he likes. And it comes covered in glitter. And presumably works in shifts, since that's a long time for any one woman to inspire a business executive's erections.
And assuming this is all correct - which we have no reason to doubt since the union has all the documentation and Howell quit rather than fight it - it explains a lot.
Mostly it illustrates once again that the NFLPA is the weakest, most ineffective, most pathetic labor union in all the land. Consider this:
No matter how you measure it, the NFL owns not only the North American pro sports landscape, but broadcast television. As the Albert Brooks character put it in Concussion, it owns a day of the week. And now, three nights. Plus in the last few years, it's way into streaming and digital. It's the last remaining TV that the monoculture consumes together, live. Sitting through commercials to an extent no other programming gets. And yet players' salaries haven't benefited the way they have in the far less popular pro sports.
Yes, roster sizes are a factor. But a much more relevant factor is the fact NFL players are represented by a union that rolls over and lets ownership scratch its belly any time they please. Let's not forget that in the 1990s, MLB players gladly shut down a World Series to get what they wanted. But in 2011, NFL players caved after losing one preseason game. Now we find out that the guys who hurl themselves into the path of 260 pound rage monsters with 4.7 speed and not getting properly compensated for it, are represented by the kind of guy who grabs their union dues and spends it to see the lady parts of a 20 year old single mom.
Say what you will about strip clubs. To me they're legally licensed establishments and consenting adults can make whatever transactional arrangement they want. But at least when Al Bundy led the NO MA'AM fellas to The Jiggly Room, they were paying their own way:
So congratulations once again to NFL Management. Your next CBA negotiation is over before it even begins.