Comparing The Barstool Beach House Cast To Their Best Jersey Shore Counterparts

We’ve got another edition of KFC Radio today and it was a send off of sorts as two of our own, Jackie and Oona, will be starting their 4 weekend long trek into the Jersey Shore this weekend with 8 other Barstool employees.

The comparisons to the Jersey Shore are obviously ripe for the taking as much like that show, we’ve got 9 of our youngest employees and Dante heading down in the hopes that an abundance of drama and entertainment will ensue. They could also just go down there, get along, and all have a grand old time together. Gross.

Anyway, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to try and draw some parallels between the cast that’s going down there and the Jersey Shore crew. I’d like to preface this with a little note to my coworkers who I’m about to be comparing to people who have done stints in the slammer, been ridiculed by celebrities and tabloids everywhere, and renounced by many in the Italian-American community: All of the comparisons you’re about to read were made with love.

Tommy Smokes - Vinny 

I would say that Vinny was probably the most sensitive of the guys from the Jersey Shore cast, and I don’t see that being much different from Tommy’s place in this cast of characters. He’s an actor (Les Mascots August 19th), always has an ailment, and has trained his ChatGPT to be his biggest fan. I think he probably would’ve hoped for a Pauly D or Mike The Situation comparison, but don’t take this as me saying he won’t do well for himself with the ladies down the shore. This is the former ring leader of the Fordham Pussy Patrol we’re talking about here. He’s gonna do just fine.

Jackie - Snooki

Will she get punched in the face at a bar? Hopefully not. Arrested for public intoxication? I don't think so. Could she drop a line as outlandish as Snooki’s “Where’s the beach?” line while being on the boardwalk right next to the beach? I’d say it’s more likely than not. She’s showcased this ability numerous times on KFC Radio over the years.

Nicky Smokes & Annika - Ron & Sammi

Stephen Lovekin. Getty Images.

Pretty self explanatory.

Oona - Deena

Broadimage. Shutterstock Images.

I’d actually say that this is the most like for like comparison we’ve got here. Not because of possible actions or anything like that, but because much like Deena was when she came in starting at season 3, she was the new kid on the block. She’s only been here for two months, but has made a big enough name for herself to land on the show. Working with her for the last two-ish months, I’m sure she’ll crush it.

Brianna - JWoww

She’s obviously coming into the house with the biggest resume out of anyone there, and that automatically puts her into the rare air that was only occupied by Snooki and JWoww on the show since they rose to super stardom with spin offs after the show was on. As mentioned above, I don’t see her being as much of a wild card when it comes to the one liners as Jackie, so she slots perfectly into the JWoww role.

Dante - The Situation

Rommel Demano. Getty Images.

Off rip you’d think that Dante would be an absolute shoe in to get the Pauly D nod given that they both DJ, but there’s another cat out there on my radar who I think has done enough to earn that title. This isn’t to say that the Dante/Situation comparison was decided haphazardly either, though. I would say that Dante is the odds on favorite to stir up some type of drama in the house. We’ve seen him get in many a spats on Twitter, one as recently as last week with fellow cast member Nicky Smokes.

Would love to see him fully embrace the roll and turn up in a neck brace. 

Danny Smokes - Pauly D

Gregory Pace. Shutterstock Images.

Danny Smokes has been building up his aura for months at this point in the lead up to Beach House. Him throwing on those shades is like a horned up version of the Green Goblin mask. He’s earned the comparison.

Ella - Angelina (But not really)

Kristina Bumphrey. Shutterstock Images.

I’m gonna be honest here and say that this comparison is strictly being made because she’s the only girl left. In fact, you probably can’t compare the two at all. By all accounts I’ve heard that Ella is extremely nice and a pleasure to be around. I’m not sure that’s the first thing that people would say about Angela’s time on the OG iteration of Jersey Shore.

Wildcard Slot - Katic

Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.

I don’t have a comparison here! Nobody on Jersey Shore chose the role over a potential spot in the NFL, so that makes for a difficult spot. Watch this space as it develops over the course of the month.

There you have it, a full breakdown of the Barstool Beach House cast compared to their most similar Jersey Shore counterpart. I’ve got high hopes for this show and think that a lot of great content will come from it. 

If things ever get dull I think a ring should be put out back where Tommy, Nicky, and Danny Smokes do a ladder match that decides who gets to keep the Smokes title for good. 

Play us out, Enrique!